mood

wow, have i been in one for sure lately. its been bad. like on the verge of crying all the time, total despair type of crap. except for wednesday, it was 70 degrees and sunny out! windy as hell but warm. i will take 70 degrees with a headwind any day before 45 degrees and a tailwind. yesterday i was in that crapola mood but today i feel a little better. i skipped my workout last night. ugh, that made me feel like a wuss and more worse, too. it was the first track workout of the year, 3x1600s in zn 4 to help set times for the following workouts. i had been worried about it all week. i was ready to go and just waiting for the work day to end so i could go but then the rain came. and not just drizzle but down pour. i frantically emailed my coach but seeing as she is currently on the other side of the international dateline, i wasn't really expecting an immediate response. so i emailed a few runner friends who basically all said to just say no. at least that is what i read it as. the thought of even trying to run in that, with the little water drops splashing up onto the back of my ankles was almost too much for me to bear. so instead i went home. i have been totally tired lately, too. the past two days have been a struggle to get through work (which has thank goodness been much better lately) and all i want to do is lay on the floor and nap. but i haven't.
swimming today was good. i felt like i could have slept through it :) but was happy to have gone. i am getting better, really i am. i think.
poor seamus! yesteday she was so excited because she was going planning on riding the school bus home from school today. they have a kindergarten only school bus that is filled with just kids from her class. since we live so close, she doesn't ride it but eric arranged with the teacher and the bus driver to let her ride it today. except she woke up with a sore throat, cough and fever. and next week is spring break, so no school bus for her for a while.
counting down the days to the vegas trip. we are going to drive. goodness that is going to be a long drive and i am keeping my fingers crossed that the old volvo makes its way down and back and doesn't strand us in the middle of the desert.
on other notes, i need to get my chowing down under control. eric is dropping weight like crazy but for every pound he is dropping i seem to be gaining 5. its horrible! gotta stop with all the crap all the time, but i love me some terrible foods! love me them i do!! i have no will power, self control, nada, nothing. today i accomplished something really big though. i went to target to get some tube socks for the 1970's themed party i am going to tomorrow night. i will wear them with my star wars shirt and gym shorts from when i was in the 7th & 8th grade at harvest park middle school. i was going to wear my princess leai - jabba the hut slave costume but eric said i wasn't allowed since that is technically from the '80s. plus the way things have been going, i think i would pass more as jaba than prince leia. don't even let me tell you what eric said about my cycling shorts... so i managed to get out of target for under $100 which is a big deal but also i managed to avoid target pizza hut. one of my true loves of redmond fine dining. i love it and it is so hard for me to resist! but i did and came back to work to enjoy a frozen entree that i picked from my grocer's freezer instead.

the ultimate warrior

dear friend EA sent this to me today to use as inspiration.

so much

yesterday sirus learned to ride his bike without training wheels! can you believe it? eric took the training wheels off, sirus messed around some, and then all of a sudden he was off! and even more impressive was in a matter of just a few minutes eric had set up a course on the driveway with cones and sirus was weaving in and out, hair pin turns and navigating it with ease! totally amazing little guy!
today i went on a mountain bike ride that kicked my arse. really hard. we went up to almost canada. we parked the cars and headed out. i knew right off the bat i was going to be in trouble because everyone was riding with so much ease and i was struggling with every bump. i was however really happy that i got up the first batch of switch backs but everythign else was tought! apparently i needed baggy shorts since i was the only one in lycra. there were 10 of us there, 3 training for la ruta, 2 training for bc bike race, one of whom is a pro, two dudes, and then two others who have some pretty awesome technical skills. i was the slowest of the bunch and not just slow, but like really really slow. i could keep up on the fire road climbs! and even on some of the single track climbs as long as they weren't too technical, oh and did i mention that my garmin said 33.3 miles and 10k ft of elevation? good grief. over 5 hrs of riding time. luckily there was some good stopping along the way! it was way fun, but really really hard. and then i drove the 2hrs home! tomorrow's run is going to be tough!

after paradise

so like i said, i had that sore throat on that ride. i felt terrible that sunday and skipped my swim and was a horribly, not fun mom to be around, on monday i finished up some stuff for work, ya know, all the late night friday drama that needed cleaned up. i had another rest day from training, too. then tuesday - ahhhh, day OFF. i slept in until like 830 or something. the kids didn't know i had stayed home so no one crawled in bed keeping me awake. i had 3 nights in a row of 9+hrs of sleep. i was getting caught up. i hung out at home for a few hours. just chilling out. then i went to bellevue square for some reason. i can't remember why. what was i doing there? but then i came home, changed real quick and headed out for a mtn bike ride. eric and sirus had picked up seamus from school, they had lunch, they took sirus to school and now eric and seamus were doing trail work. i rode around for a bit and came across the trails they were working on. seamus had her bike out there and was doing some mountain biking, too. after, we all headed over to pick up sirus. he didn't know i was home and when he saw me there waiting to get him he started jumping up and down getting all excited! it totally made my day!
wednesday morning i got up to go to masters swimming. i get up at 5, but really its 450 since my watch is 10 minutes fast. i get dressed, i get a glass of water, i get in the car and i drive there. then i sit in my car looking at email on my iphone. OMG - work drama at 524 AM. i took a deap breath, got out of the car and went to the pool. yeah, main set 8x100 IM followed by 5x100 free. it was good. after only a few minutes into the warm up i had let the work drama roll off and just worked on swimming. when i got to work i just did it. like i've said before, i like my job. i like the people i work with and i like what i do, just sometimes, it gets to be too much when it all kits at the same time and something is up because its hitting like crazy right now. i am trying to be very careful at looking at it objectivly and making sure my inability to deal is due to too much training, but i don't think it is, shit is really just nuts and once one shit is down the train, another one starts knocking at the door. so not cool.
on thursday morning i got up at 5am to ride the trainer for 2:15 in zone 3 and watch the movie 2010. thats a lot to deal with at 5am. more drama at work, more of the same drama - once we get one hole plugged another springs a leak, i wondered if the world really was coming to an end. later seamus lost her first tooth! ealier in the week we made tooth fairy pillows for the both of the kids. good thing - just in the nick of time! we also went to the art walk at seamus's school where we had the opportunity to buy her art work. it was cute and she seemed happy to be there and was excited to see her friends.
friday i made it to swimming. i sat in the parking lot and nothing alarming was coming over in email. i got out of the car, took 2 steps and realized i was in my slippers and i had not changed into my shoes... which was fun until while i was doing my sprints the masters coach who decided to swim with us since not many folks were there and he was getting soaked in the torrential downpour anyway, well, he was kicking with a kick board and was faster than my all out sprint. whatever.
someone in the locker room had made the comment about it being friday to which i replied - only 10 more hours and we are all set!
the first part of work was fine, slippers and all. at lunch i went to do my core workout in the gym. i warmed up on the treadmill then went to get the floor mat. as i walked towards the middle of the room i banged my knee head on into the metal foot plate of the seated row machine. full force. i felt it hit but felt nothing, but then it hit. my leg was completely stiff, i couldn't move it and all i felt was extreme pain all the way from my hip down to my foot. i wanted to cry but knew if i did i wouldn't be able to start. i almost threw up. i was thinking i was going to need to call eric to come pick me up, i didn't know how i was going to manage. after i saw there wasn't any immediate discoloration or swelling i decided to bend my leg despite still being in extreme pain. it was horrible. i dont' know if i have ever been in so much pain. i hobbled around and hobbled through my core workout avoiding anything that involved bending my knee or bearing weight on it. dude, it sucked. i hobbled back to my desk and within minutes found out that my personal email account had been hacked. muffa farker. minutes later i got a call and even more shit happened. unfreaking beleiveable. i just listened and said ok. i got through the rest of the day, eric and the kids picked me up, i cried in the car and then took a deep breath. i was going to enjoy the rest of my evening. and i did. i had two lemon drops with dinner, i got and gave lots of hugs and kisses and ya know what, i love my family and really that is all that matters.
today i ran for an hr of zone 3 on the treadmill. after the knee incident yesterday i was pretty sure my season was over, but it doesn't hurt to run, just to bend. after i swam, and it felt great. except when i would push off the wall, then my knee would hurt but whatever. when i got home we went for a walk. really i wanted to take a nap but it was so beautiful out that i wanted to be outside some. when we got home though i took a nap! its been a rough week, a rough few weeks. but dude, its going to get better here soon, right?

paradise

the other day i got a note from a designer friend if i would be a fit model for her for some photos for her portfolio. i of course said yes since i was indeed a super model before becoming a professional triathlete, and i love her, too, so of course i wanted to do it. and it was for cycling clothes, so that was fun, too. she was trying to decide where to do the shoot since she wanted good scenery and all. first we were going to head down towards crystal mountain and then go mtn biking and trail running after.
but once we all started thinking about it, we realized we'd be hauling 5 bikes and road riding gear, mtn biking gear and it was just getting to be too much. so location changed to Paradise up by Mt Rainier and we'd do a road ride and trail run. i hadn't ever been to Mt Rainier park before so i was really looking forward to it.
i met them at 6:30am and we got loaded up. we drove for a few hrs, met up with the photographer and then drove up into the park. we scouted locations, decided where we wanted the shoot and parked the van. burr, it was cold! super sunny, but burr! I took this photo with my iphone from where we parked. it was THAT amazing out.
we did the shoot which involved a few clothing changes, some riding towards and away, in circles and some standing there look good. then we had lunch. we drove down the mtn, changed into some casual wear and did some more photos. it was much warmer at the bottom. once the photos were done, we drove out of the park and said good bye to the photographer. we all changed into our cycling gear and got ready to ride back up the mountain. we had already driven up it so i sort of knew what to expect, but as we all know driving it and riding it are two different things.
on the way up i wore arm and leg warmers with shorts, a short sleeve jersey, a vest, booties and shortie gloves with some light glove liners under them. i packed a bunch of other things for the ride down since i knew it would be cold. the park was not that busy, but got much busier as the day when on. the drivers were mostly really good about having us on the road and a few would yell out words of encouragment as we were riding up. the grade was never so bad that i was ever dying. my workout was to be in zn3, so i was easily able to stay in it the entire 18 miles. the three of us stuck together the whole time, but we didn't do too much talking. while i was zn3 the whole time, the guy with us never got over 100bpm. he obviously wasn't trying hard enough. i had brought two bottles of discontinued LUNA Sport Electolyte Splash in Pinkgrapefruit and it was delicious. the wooded areas were amazingly wooded, and then we hit the snow. when we would be in the sun we'd be toasty warm, and then we'd hit the shade and it would be very cold. after almost 2hrs we were at the top. the trick to it all is to get up there, put on your layers and head down before you have the chance to get cold. so not a lot of enjoying the top, but enough to get a photo!
by the time we got up there, the parking lot was full and several people stopped to ask us about the ride. it is winter time and all... for the ride down i put on a dry base layer under my jersey, a wind breaker jacket, winter gloves over my glove liners, and a hat. i was pretty good temp wise for the ride down, but the ride down was really not very much fun. it was very scary. i'm not so big on going down hill, plus with the cold, the icy patches on the side of the road, the cars, the gravel.... it all lead to a stressful descent. i tried riding in my drops, but i have zero confidence in them and i'd just wind up going so fast that i wound up staying in my hoods for the most part. braking for 18 miles in the hoods is on the uncomfortable side. luckily, it wasn't the whole 18 miles, towards the bottom there are a few very fun miles where you can pedal hard, the road is wider and smooth, you are out of the snow and its just more fun. i think it took about 45 minutes to get back down. crazy! when we got back to the van, we made the decision to not go out for the scheduled run. i had a sore throat all day long already (i just didn't tell anyone) and it was getting late, almost 5pm, so we bailed on it. i felt like i had the energy to do it, but i also felt like if i did, i might be sorry. turns out i was right about that... but we headed back home and were treated to some amazing views of the sun setting on rainier - the whole mountain was pinkish orange! totally breath taking! once we got back to seattle, i jumped in my car for the 45 minute drive home. i was beat and feeling pretty thrashed.
sunday morning i was wide awake at 630ish and had not an ounce of ability to fall back asleep. not cool. it was a busy day and i felt terrible. my throat was so sore and the kids were driving me crazy. i felt back because i wasn't any fun at all and they were stuck with me since eric was out riding. they were going to a birthday party at 230 and would not stop about wanting to go to the party. they didn't want to go home or run errands or anything so finally i said fine, we will go and sit in the parking lot. for an hour. we sat there for a few minutes when sirus decided he had to use the bathroom and couldn't wait a single second so we left and went to the gas station. we all got back in the car and went to go wait the remaining 1/2 hr in the parking lot. we weren't even in the parking lot for more than 2 seconds when seamus decided she had to pee so bad that she was going to pee in her pants. i about lost it. we went into the birthday party place and everything was fine but OMFG. they had a ton of fun at the party and i just sat there. i didn't feel well, and i didn't know any of the other parents, so i just hung out. on the way home the whining started INSTANTLY. i couldn't beleive it, so we had no talking on the way home. i haven't ever done that before, but it was actually quite nice. i felt like a terrible mom, but ya know. sometimes no talking is best. and the even better part is that everytime i was about to lose it seamus would come up to me with open arms saying "awww, does someone need a hug?" aaakkkkk!!! NO I DO NOT NEED A HUG JUST STOP WITH THE WHINING!!!

so this morning after 10 glorious hours of sleep i feel better, not great but better. i did not do my workout on sunday which was just a short swim, and i am taking a total rest week today. i am taking the day off from work tomorrow, so i am just going to chill out and try to chill the hell out.