nesting

can it really be called nesting when its getting ready for brain surgery?  i am sure i pushed it too far today but OMG i would have never been able to rest comfortably under massive amounts of anesthesia knowing seamus's room was such a train wreck!!!    so i cleaned her room, cleaned sirus's room and shut the playroom door.  that room, is too much.  i know their rooms will be a nightmare when i get back but hopefully, just hopefully they can stay semi tidy until i head out tomorrow morning. 
oh, and i walked the kids to school this morning with eric.  after all of this, of course i took a nap.  on and off for a few hours.  no tests today but lots of phone calls.  if i have to tell another person that i haven't taken flonase in 6 months or more i might lose it!!
so i have made a deal with the kids.  they will each get $5 if they keep their rooms tidy and make sure they are especially tide when i come back from the hospital - playroom included!  they both agreed half heartedly.
so i am waiting for this surgery thing to happen.  i am assuming that this time tomorrow i will be finished and recovering. i do have to say that as the days have gone by and head head has begun to hurt more and my eye sight has gotten worse, that i am a bit tired of this.  i have to be ok with the eyesight thing since that might not change, but i do hope it doesn't get any worse.  or will i get used to it and come to a point where i don't even notice it?  i've stopped driving because its too distracting.  thankfully my appetite has adjusted to be in line with my lack of activity.  oh and my ass got the memo too because it has sucessfully drooped down to the back of my knees.  how quickly i lose it! 
although i got the notes from the endocrinologist, and she had this to say about me:
"well nourished, pleasant and cooperative" and then also "in no acute distress".
let me  translate:
well nourished = fat
pleasant and cooperative = jolly
no acute = ugly
why is she so mean to say such things about the poor lady with the brain tumor!!!
tragedy did strike yesterday however.  i saw on the facebooks that the betsey johnson store in seattle was going out of business.  tragic!!!  so since we were there for all that blood work anyway, we stopped in and found out that betsey johnson actually filed for bankruptcy!  all stores and internets are closing!!!  she will have a few things here and there in department stores but won't have all of her beautiful boutiques with amazing dresses any more!  i almost started crying when i told the girl how i had dreamed of bringing seamus there for prom shopping ever since she was a baby!  i was tempted to snatch up a handful or more of the cute dresses for her for when she is older but didn't.  too risky and too expensive!!  instead i got two dresses, both of which when i showed them to seamus she looked at them stunned, one of which she blurted out - can i wear that?  i hadnt even told her that that was the someday plan!  so i am glad she likes it!  oh my betsey dresses!!!  i wanted to get a bunch of shoes, too.  maybe i will hold out and see if they wind up more on sale before i do that.
i wonder if i will wind up with a crazy hair cut and black eyes like they warned.  i wonder if i will feel sick or if it will hurt?  after sunday night in the ER, not sure i could feel any more sick than that.  pukarama!  i even took my spare puke bag to the blood draw yesterday, the guy laughed.  he just did his 25th consecutive Bloomsday!
if you are wondering, yes, i am starting to get a little freaked out.  but i'll be back!!

getting caught up

it's tuesday evening.  almost there.  almost time.
after the bog day of appointments and the low down last monday, the rest of the week was uneventful, sort of like my unremarkable pituitary.  i am pretty sure i came home every day and slept for a few hours.  then i got the call on thursday that my labs were back from all the testing on monday.  had some elevated growth hormone.  the tricky thing about elevated growth hormone is that awesome athletes like my self can have GH levels higher than the norm.  if this is the case, it's good in lots of ways.  but they weren't able to tell.  so i went in on friday for more blood work.  just a little this time, i was outta there lickety split!  after work we headed to leavenworth.
what a beautiful weekend!!  friends of ours invited to stay at their amazing house.  saturday instead of heading to chelan for the mtn bike race as originally planned, he stayed in town.  amy, the kids and i went for a hike.  just a 4 miler, more like a walk one would say.  but since i am such a bad ass, i will call it a hike.  but wow, by the end i was totally starting to bonk.  dude, 4 miles.  2 hrs.  and i was bonking!  at least sirus was bonking with me.
once we got back to the house i slept for 2+ hours.  i was exhausted.  despite all the napping, i am still able to fall asleep at night quite easily at a reasonable hour and i sleep through the night.
sunday we got up, seamus wanted to walk, so she and i walked around the big field, she power walked and totally dropped me!  she is a fast one.
on the way home we stopped in to see my mom and have some mother's day lunch with her.  we hung out by the water for a bit, enjoying the view and the amazing sun!
after lunch on the way to the car i started to get a headache.  it hit pretty quickly so i slept the whole way home and as soon as we go to the house i crawled in bed for 2 hrs.  when i woke up i still had the head ache but when i sat up and then joined the family downstairs the headache got really bad.  i got concerned so i called the doctor on call and he totally confused me.  so eric took me to the ER.
i was in so much pain and ready to puke, but luckily the hospital is totally empty so they took us back right away.  when we walked into the room there were like 8 or more nurses, techs, orderlies, and who knows who else.  so when i sat down on the table a complete wreck and was like I have a brain tumor, i was surprised when they all scattered.  the ones that did stay totally took action though, complete with bringing me a very warm blanket.  i was such a mess tho and didn't open my eyes until the doctor got there but by then they had already started and iv and taken vitals and all that.  i instantly like the doctor.  when i opened my eyes i was happy to see he had a great white tie with various colored stripes on it and he reminded me of a friend's dad.    but it was a bit weird when the doctor came into the room, he had a very tall, very silent man with him who was pushing around a very tall computer - his assistant he said.  when the doctor left, the dude with the computer followed him out as well. i asked for some water and some team jacob candy striper volunteer like kid brought me a cup filled all the way to the top.  the doctor quickly managed to spill it everywhere!
the doctor did some talking, called my neurosurgeon and they decided to give me a crazy narcotic of some sort and some anti puke meds, too.  i totally started to panic with the narcotics since they hit instantly since they went in through the IV.  the nurse was just like, relax, just close your eyes.  i was waiting for him to tell me to just enjoy it, but i was like OMG my chest feels all tight, OMG, my arms, what is happening to my arms, AKK, my head, ack, so after a while it started to get better, the whole time the nurse was telling me, that's normal.  that's normal.  i was just like, this is not normal!!!
so eventually they told me we could leave.  i wasn't thrilled with that idea, but i stood up and instantly lost my lunch.  like out it came.
so i laid back down and tried getting up slower. managed to get out and into the car.  took two fancy barf bags just in case!  opened the car window and just tried to relax until we parked the car and home and i lost the rest of my lunch. well, until i got upstairs to our room, then the real rest of my lunch was lost.  totally gross.  note:  the anti nausea medicine did not work.
i slept through the night and all day on monday.  when i wasn't sleeping i was laying in bed looking out the window at the beautiful sun and blue sky!!  i was supposed to go to work Monday and Tuesday but the ER doc said no-way jose, and omg, i would have never been able to last.
also on monday i got another call saying that i had to come in on tuesday for a 3hr blood draw.  good stuff.
that was too much for me today as well, and i had to come home and sleep for a few hours.  man.  i certainly am getting caught up.  i feel somewhat better than yesterday but my head hurts and if i move around too much i feel pukey.
 just have to get through tonight and tomorrow and then we'll be on it!  can't wait to see how my pre-surgery showers go!!  my surgery could be canceled if i don't take the showers.  creepy!

photo montage

note the overly dilated eyes post visit to the eye doctor.

the circle with the colored circles in it that i couldn't see at the neuro-opthimologist!

Can you see it?

Eric showing me the anatomy of the brain

Eric still talking about the anatomy of the brain as we wait to be called in for a CT scan

surprised by the high percentage of motocross magazines in the CT scan waiting room

quick release blood draw table at swedish redmond on friday.

too much shakin' going on

dinner on the way to leavenworth

bday cupcakes for xtie.  carrie = 6, xtie = 0  Sorry!

headin out on a hike

it was quite a hike!!

in a tree

seamus really liked these trees.  they were quite fascinating!

tuesday morning blood draw.  i think tyra would be proud, i was looking fierce!

and then what happened?

The next day I talked to an endocrinologist and then on Friday we went to see the neuro-opthimologist. I had some vision tests and for the first time ever I actually couldn’t see the letters on the screen. They had to roll it up a few times for me and it was super tough. I also had a hard time finding the numbers made of colored circles in the bigger circle.

So then the doctor came in and he showed us the MRI since we hadn’t seen it yet. He told us what was going on in there, but with a lot of, “we don’t know for sure”’s and “we won’t know until we get in there” type of disclaimers. The first thing I said when I saw it and he said it was right behind my sinus’s, I was just like “uh, you think it could be full of baby spiders waiting to hatch?”. Eric and I chuckled, the doctor did not. Then he explained what was going on with my optic nerve and how it was bowing around the tumor. He said I had some permanent nerve damage and some field of vision loss too. He said he thinks that most of my vision would likely return after surgery.

Then I went to work.

Friday Sirus went to Grandmas since Seamus had her turn the other week. We had a lovely evening with Seamus and then in the morning she and I did a bunch of errands and she rode a horse and we had all kinds of fun! Then I took a nap. I was beat. Sunday we went to a bday party where the kids ran wild for a few hours, then we took the top off of the jeep and we went for a drive then I took a nap.

At no point during any of this did I do any training. Not allowed, they told me to stop. Things weren’t looking so great for ITU Worlds.

Monday went to the neuroscience place and met face to face with the endocrinologist. She told us a ton about the pituitary gland and everything it does. Eric and I argued with her, trying to get her to commit to how long the tumor had been in there. if it was less than 10yrs, Eric totally gave it to me. If it was 15 or so years, then Eric was in the clear. She said it could be either. so non-committal!!! I am pretty sure that ATT gave it to me with all the drama there was with trying to get my new phone set up. Sheesh!! And I suspect that watching this video too many times of my boyfriend Dan Hugo swimming maybe have possibly been too much for my mere mortal brain to handle, or maybe it is what gave me the vision problems? Proceed with caution if you plan to watch it. It is lovely.

After that doctor came the neurosurgeon. He did not have a sense of humor at all. But everyone tells me that is probably a good thing. The endocrinologist totally did, this guy not so much. So he told us all kinds of stuff as well. He was easy to follow and everything he said make sense. He was saying that it isn’t a pituitary tumor at all, but instead sits on top of the pituitary. he showed us how it was pushing the optic chiasm or whatever (where the optic nerves cross) to the back and bowing them behind the tumor – I had thot they were bowing up but apparently not. He showed us the carotid artery, a major artery in the brain and how the tumor was pushing on it or squishing it or something, sorta missed that part. He showed us how the tumor is pushing on the pituitary stalk that connects the pituitary gland to the brain and he showed us how it is pushing on the frontal lobes of my brains.

Then he told us how he could go in through my nose, yes, just like the Egyptians. This is apparently the preferred option for pituitary tumors because they just go right in there and pull them out. But, my tumor looks to be in that brain sack. Yeah, sack. In my brain. So they would have to pop that sack and let all the spinal fluid drip out my head and apparently it’s really hard to get that to close back up. Although they take some fat off you somewhere else and plug it all in there – liposuction as a bonus, who knew!! He talked about other complications, more about how the tumor was close to stuff and he wouldn’t be able to tell how anything was actually attached to anything until he was in there and it would be tricky to see with that approach.

So the other option is through my head. Craniotomy. Eric and I had already discussed this as a possibility many times, I even discussed it with my mom and xtie and I had decided if they had to do it would totally shave my whole head. First a little Mohawk pre-shave and then the whole thing. But as the nurse put it, it would just be a haircut. They shave as little as possible. But she did warn, he is a neurosurgeon and not a hairstylist! So I guess I should be prepared for anything.

then i had blood work and a CT scan. CT scans are SO much easier that MRIs!

that was monday.

super suit!

my team USA super suit showed up!! so fun!!!

too bad we had to cancel and won't be racing next week at the ITU Cross World Championships.

So, it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that I always think something is wrong with me. I am a bit of a drama queen, what with all the blood tests I always have done and doctor’s appointments and PT and chiro and all that. But I am always, ALWAYS healthy, like UBER healthy, like uh, nothing is wrong with you lady, please stop calling us. I am not even the tiniest bit vitamin D deficient and I live in the Seattle area where it is required to be vitamin D deficient!!

So I have been thinking for quite a bit like I was having some sinus issues. When I’d bend down I’d have sinus pressure but nothing major and nothing worth going to the doctor for because I was pretty convinced, it’s just sinus and since nothing is dripping or clogging I don’t want to wind up on antibiotics that will wind up effecting my training with Worlds so close!! Plus it really only sorta bothered me while I was swimming. Total sinus, especially since they have been converting our pool from salt water to chlorine.

The other weekend, it was going to be so sunny out!!! Seamus was with grandma for the weekend, so eric, sirus and I went for a sunny, warm run and then we took sirus mountain biking at duthie. He tore up the trails, he is such a good rider! Earlier that day I had some record setting swim times, too. Since the weather was still going to be epic, on Sunday I met up with Sara for a 2:30 ride. We planned out a route to mayvalley and it was so beautiful and warm and totally no knee warmers, I was even in a sleeveless jersey – oh my!

At one point I hit a small bump on the road and I was like – ow!! That hurt my head. Just a quick jolt to the old noggin but enough that I was like what was that about?

Then I hit a few more bumps during the ride, each having the same kind of effect. Weird.

Monday was a rest day, as Mondays tend to be, but Tuesday I woke up early to swim. I think I set some more swimming world records that morning, but I noticed that whenever I went from standing to pushing off the wall, I would feel that same pain from the bike ride. While I was swimming it was fine, it was just when I went from standing to pushing off. That night we had a LUNA workout. I was planning on doing the 6 miler but wound up with only 3 because my head was hurting with every step. No fun.

The next morning I went to the doctor. I had 30 possible reasons for it all of which she said she didn’t think was the case, so she ordered an MRI which was scheduled on Friday afternoon.

That evening I went mountain biking. Why? Because I had already planned it and I was pretty sure the doctor was going to just wind up giving me antibiotics anyway and ITU Cross Worlds was now only 3.5 weeks away plus i was racing on saturday. I needed to get in some mtn biking. The noggin hurt some, but not a ton, and only when going downhill, hitting bumps and really I didn’t notice because I have to concentrate so hard on going downhill anyway. The bike was awesome tho. So much fun and I totally felt like I was flying! Yahoo! But then it started to get dark very quickly, then rain, and some thunder so we started to head back. I had already taken my glasses off 10 times to clean them, they just seemed to be so dirty and I was having a hard time seeing out of them. I assumed because it was dark, and because of the mud and rain, but really it was because I was starting to lose my vision! I didn’t realize it completely until Thursday at work, after some more record setting swimming in the morning. but I didn’t really believe it because although things were super blurry in my left eye, it seemed like I was still able to read just find. Weird again.

Friday afternoon I went in for the MRI. I had one before on my wrist so I sorta knew what to expect but this time they made me change totally into new pants and a gown and they strapped me in and put that scary cage thing over my face. While I waited to be pushed into the hole, I looked at the funny cloud pictures on the ceiling. Then finally in I went. I discovered very quickly that I should keep my eyes closed. She talked to me a few times and I talked back but for the most part it was uneventful. A few minutes in she asked me if the MRI was ordered by my primary doctor or a neurosurgeon. I was slightly alarmed by that but didn’t think too much of it. A few minutes later she pulled me out and said she was going to put the contrast in. hmm, didn’t know I was getting contrast. Back in I went.

Finally I was done and I asked the lady if she could find out if it was ok for me to race in the mountain bike race the next day. We were headed to Ephrata right after work for the Beezley Burn! She left, came back and said sure, that would be fine. I said, ok! There must not be any potatoes in there, because surely they wouldn’t let me leave AND race with a potato in my head.

We all piled into the brand spanking new Jeep that Eric had just picked up earlier that day and off we went. After a bit on the road Eric told me how he had gotten pulled over for speeding not even 5 minutes after leaving the dealer! Gah!!! He did just get a warning, and he and the police man chit chatted about the jeep and even shook hands at the end of it all, but I was like NOOOOO!!!!

A little later I noticed that my doctor called and left a voice mail saying she wanted to discuss the results. But seeing as she called after hours and she wasn’t going to be back in the office until Tuesday I was a little freaked out but also kind of like – why won’t she just tell me!!!

Saturday, I woke up in the morning and eventually headed off to the race site. I was pretty nervous about racing. I hadn’t done much mountain biking at all in the last year or more and mountain bike races always freak me out! My head hurt during my warm up but, they let me leave and said I could ride so everything must have been ok. Who cares that I couldn’t see out of my left eye.

I lined up for the beginner / cat 3 race. Ok, there was indeed some sandbagging going on, but we had brought the kids and I needed to make sure I was done in time for Eric to start his race. What I wasn’t expecting was to be starting after a guy on a unicycle. He started with the first wave which I thought was somewhat silly. And we were off. I took off and was caught behind the guy on the unicycle right was we headed into the first bit of single track. d’oh!! But I got around him and just kept going. I was having so much fun on the new Specialized Epic Pro 29er! I was totally going much faster and taking the descents much more aggressively! I was even drifting some of the corners – yikes!

Eventually I was done (and I won!) and then we hung out to watch the end of xtie’s race and Eric’s race. It was so warm and sunny and the kids had plenty of other kids to play with at the park, so all in all it was a fantastic day!

Then we got in the car and headed home. Sunday, I went for a 1:20 trail run by myself. It wasn’t as warm and there wasn’t any sun but I enjoyed it. I was going super easy and super slow but I could have run forever, and my head to be ok. I really like to run.

Monday was my birthday! Hooray! I got old!! Sirus wanted me to open his presents as soon as I woke up – an angry birds shirt to sleep in and an angry birds iphone cover! And Seamus made me a necklace, so I wore that to work. I also hounded the doctor’s office for them to give me the results but the doctor wasn’t in. I asked if another doctor could tell me and they couldn’t. Ugh.

So Tuesday first thing, I called the doctor again. She was with patients!!! So I called again later and they hooked us up to talk. Shore enough, she said, I had a tumor. A brain tumor. In my brain. I wrote tumor on the back of a purple envelope that I had with me, ya know, in case I forgot. She sent me some phone numbers to call, and then I called Eric to let him know. That is also when I stopped shaking my head every once in a while to see if it still hurt or not.

update

wow, stay tuned. the next update is going to be a doozy!! but first, it was so warm and sunny today. we did get the new car, a jeep wrangler unlimited but today it was so nice out that we took the top off and drove all around in it. except i was in the middle of the back seat and i got a little windblown. scratch that, a lot windblown. when we got home i had to take a nap. grandma is here and the kids have not left her alone for even a second. sirus had spent the weekend with her and her house and when he was loading up to go he went on and on about how his throat was hurting a little bit, probably because he had been talking so much the past two days. probably, that boy can talk. but we did have to take him to the ER on thursday night. when we checked on him around 11pm he was working really hard to breathe. as eric was carrying him out to the car, the poor little guy woke up some asked "what are you doing!?!" they didn't get home until 2:30 or so. in the morning i asked him what he thought of going to the hospital in the middle of the night. his response "it didn't make any sense. it didn't make any sense at ALL!" silly kid. they gave him a beanie baby! that is his 2nd ER beanie baby. the other day i went out to west seattle and as i was driving along alki, i had to stop the car for a river otter to cross the road. i thought it was a sea otter, seeing as i was next to the sound and not a river but the fishery friends all told me it was probably a river otter because sea otters don't really get out on the land that much. it was really a chupacabra but i didn't want to freak anyone out. omg, and i turned OLD last week. on monday. OLD OLD OLD. but not as old as eric. big updates coming up. big i tell you!

old

omg, i am going to be old tomorrow. woe is me. i'm not handling this one so well. ok, so i am actually doing better about it today then i was a few weeks ago. OLD. like when you work with people who just turned 24, and like you aren't going to be 24 on your next birthday. woe is me. i did a mountain bike race yesterday. it was the first one in a long long time. like a year or more. i was nervous about the race which was weird but also part of the reason i don't like doing mountain bike races. back in 2009 i did a lap of this course. i did not enjoy it back then. but i've been having some health issues and we had the kids with us so i raced the beginner race so eric could race later. it turned out to be really a fun race. the 29er was so fast and handled it all so well. up and down and all kinds of stuff. i was having a ton of fun. it was sunny but not too hot but i was also like, omg are we at altitude? but i was probably more aggressive on the downhill than i have been before and i didn't run out of gears on the uphills, so that was good. the 2 rings upfront is different but it seems ok so far at least. but it was a fun day after the race, got to hang with some peeps that were in town visiting from utah and some of the other racers. then we went home with our sunburns. did i mention we drove in our awesome new car? it is so fun, the kids love it. seamus was all silly all day and when i asked her why she said she thought it might have been because of the new car. xtie asked me today why we chose that car over all the others available out there. i said that first of all, since it is eric's car, it is a bit more manly than the volvo station wagon that he was driving. i had read somewhere a long time ago that the only reason men drive volvos is because they are afriad of their wives. when i told this to eric he said yes. which reminds me that i was wearing a new summer dress on our way to the bike race on friday night and when we got to our hotel i mentioned to eric that i was surprised that he did not comment on my dress and he replied with "so?" i did think i was looking a little broad in the shoulders in that dress. i'm also looking a little broad in the face. i think the awesome swimming might be making my shoulders broader for sure. all the fat isn't helping the situation either, especially on my face, but hopfully there is some muscle in there too. i don't necessarily need a muscular face but a not as fat one wouldn't be so bad. especially now that i have all these gray hairs popping out everywhere now that i am OLD tomorrow!!! but the other reason we got the car that we did was because we want to make a bigger impact on the environment. gah!!! i hope our children's children don't burn up in the hot hot sun or drown in the overflowing oceans because of our irresponsible vehicle choice!! a friend of mine at work stopped recycling. he said the wants to add to the landfills. he said he is worried about the rising oceans and that soon the land will all be flooded, so we need to make more land by filling the landfills with our bottles and old envelopes. that was an interesting idea.

record setting!!

wow, stuff has been GOING ON. i am on the tour of swedish hospitals. issaquah last week and then this week redmond. good fun in the neighborhoods. i went to nashville! hooray!! that was fun!

a group of girls from high school all went. none of us are country music people, but it was a strange series of event that wound us up there. it was fun to be with the girls, and nashville was fine enough, i just don't know if i will go back.

and i am doing a mtn bike race this weekend! can't remember if i mentioned my sweet new mtn bike. ok, well, it is mine for now and then after the big race in may comes, it will go to eric. i don't know what i will ride then, but most likely i won't be doing much mountain biking after may.

and OH the BIG BIG news! I am the super fastest swimmer in the whole world!! back in feb we went to wenatchee before heading out for our ski weekend and worked on some swimming. that was key to my extreme swimming awesomeness. if you also recall, i had been sucking at swimming. for some reason i was going backwards. i was so slow. i was struggling to do a 1:55 100. it was work and no fun. but then after that wenatchee swim, things started to click!! and i have been shaving off time like there is no tomorrow. this morning i did a 6:52 - 400. this is super fast for me. like super fast, PR type of swim for me. every timed swim i've been doing has been a PR, each time. unreal. maybe i am miscounting? NO. i am NOT miscounting. i am just super fast. let's see. our old station wagon needs some work. we are at the time in the station wagon's life were we have to decide, is it worth $2800 to do the necessary work on the car that at very best is worth $2500? what to do. i put a bee in eric's bonnet back on that same ski trip about getting a new car. we even test drove one on that trip. so he has been revisiting the idea. he even took the kids out to test drive with him and sirus told me last night that eric was buying a new car next week. what to get is the big question and it looks like we are leaning towards the SUV route even tho we said we would never do it. gah!!!

teeth be gone

today seamus went in to have some teeth taken out. how come back when i was younger and had like 8 teeth taken out, all i got were a few painful pokes with a needle and he nurse telling my i had pretty hair as i drooled blood all over the place, but seamus got the full on deluxe treatment! seamus had a "large mesiodens" i suggest you don't do a google image search of that one unless you want to have nightmares for the rest of your life. i have said this more than once, but it is best not to think too much about the giant hole on your face that has a weird long flapping muscle and sharp white things that grow of out no where, and that we put stuff on the outside of that hole to make it redder and some people like to inject it and make it all puffy. and we put stuff in that hole in order to stay alive. so gross. yet the only thing grosser than all that is when in movies they have people with no mouths, like when the skin just grows over the hole. omg, terrifying!!! mouths are weird and scary. so she needed to have that sucker taken out, along with 2 baby teeth. so she was put under and then they took them out. took 45 minutes, maybe not even from them taking her back to when we could see her in recovery as she was coming too. she was so sweet and cute as she lay there all wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket, curled up. but then she started to get all pissed as she woke up because she had a roll of gauze in her mouth that she was biting down on and her face was all numb and she did not like that one bit. she probably didn't like it that we were all standing over her yapping, well, i wasn't, i was cuddling her trying to make her feel safe but everyone else seemed like they were yelling. not too long after, eric picked her up and put her in the car. she would shed a few tears every once in a while about how she didn't like it, ok, she said she hated it, but then she would just sit there. once we got home, eric put her in bed and i cuddled with her. the whole time just a little afraid she was going to throw up on me since they say that can happen, but she never did. she had one dose of her pain medication as the numbness wore off but has had nothing since. she doesn't like it and she doesn't want it. the rest of the day she just took it mellow, napped a little on the couch, had lots of applesauce and pudding and will be off to school tomorrow! she is a trooper!! now the big thing is that the real tooth is in a funky position that it could very easily swap places with the smaller tooth next to it! gotta git it all figured out and taken care of. what else? nuthin. i've got nuthin. i'll have sumpthin next week tho!!

a case of the pukes

uhoh. wondering if one is building up right now. i am going to try to hold it together. so it seems as though i maybe had some food poisoning. i remember sorta waking up a few times last night thinking, wow, i feel like i am going to lose it but also, like, huh? that doesn't seem right. then shore 'nuffs 6am hit and it all came tumbling down. or projecting out i guess would be more like it. nonstop. i swear i was even puking out of my ears it was so bad. it started as just a little this and that, and then it got into all of that and some more. puke was getting caught and a few times i was pretty sure it was cutting off my air and i was going to choke to death. if i am standing up with i puke, is that possible? oh it was horrible. eventually i was empty but i managed to sleep on and off until about 630pm. at around 4pm i had a 1/2 an english muffin but it was scary. i was worried! but it made me feel uneasy and i think that's why i managed to sleep another 2 and 1/2 hrs. i was sipping heed all day, as i assumed that the 6lbs i had managed to lose since the morning before were sadly not all fat but instead some combination of stuff that was not helping my situation, the heed in tiny sips tasted good and refreshing, plus it stayed down. ive had the food poisoning twice before that i can remember. once, a long long time ago, i went to seaotter. i was going to race! i had quit my job and had been riding my bike like crazy. it was the fittest i had ever been up until that point. eric had been in arizona, we had only been dating a little while but i was excited to see him in the CA. a big group of us went down to race and it was going to be a great weekend! then the night before the race we went to some place and burritos and carrot juice. and then i got the pukes. it was bad, especially since we were sharing a room with other people, too. i blame the whole beans on the burrito and to this day won't eat them. eric says it was the sour cream, or maybe the carrot juice, which i was a huge fan of, but again, won't touch since then. i couldn't race in the morning. instead, eric made up a bed in the back of his van and i slept. through the whole race. :( for most of the day even. the next time was after going to the luau which i don't think exists anymore. everything was fine and dandy, but then the next morning, there i was at work laying on the bathroom floor. ?? i was recently married and everyone thought i was el-preggo but no. just puking. i went home, but not before managing to puke all over myself in the car. good fun. i was supposed to go to work today but i couldn't. i am supposed to race tomorrow but can't. not properly hydrated or fuels. omg, i did eat 3 pieces of pepperoni pizza just now!! but that isn't good enough. plus i still feel like ass. better, but still like ass. we are still going to go, eric is going to race, but i am going to use it as a workout. just to tool around along the course, maybe i will offer to sweep! but its a 3mile run, 17 mile bike, 3mile run. we'll have to see how it goes. gah!! the thought of a clif shot right now.... the other day i was supposed to ride my tri bike for 90 minutes. i was supposed to ride outside but eric was out of town and i am a wimp and it was kind of cold and i get freaked out about things when eric is out of town so i came home and did it on the trainer. it was torture. i am a fan of the trainer. i do enjoy it, but something about it on this was was terrible. not even 4 minutes in and i was like, omg, am i done yet? i slogged along. i kept my cadence high and my hr was in zn1-zn2 but i was dying. i was in my easiest gear, struggling. i was like, wow, maybe i need to lube my chain? could the track workout the day before really be affecting me this much? i got to 58 minutes and was like, NO MORE! so i swapped bikes and put my road bike on there. it was better for like 5 seconds. i only managed 75 minutes. i couldn't do any more. i loaded all my data on the computer and found i averaged 12.3 mph. i was mortified!! what was going on?? the next morning i discovered that eric had been the last one to use the trainer and had totally cranked up the resistance. i was riding up hill!! i felt a little better after that. and i had a great swim, so that was good too. now i am going to clean out my ears, i think there is still some puke in them.

PR maybe

this morning i did my first race since getting injured back in august. it may have actually been my first race since july even. i did an indoor mini tri like in november or something but i don't know if that is really a race or not, so i'm not going to count it.
but today i did a 10k. it was rough. i wasn't sure what to expect. i've been doing lots of long runs, and i've done a few tempo runs too, but have only dabbled with a tiny bit at "race" pace. so many different race paces to dabble in!
i was about to say that the race was fun but i am not so sure it was. it was 2 - 5k loops and mile 1 was pretty good. mile 2 was ok, too. this is when i hooked up with a group of 4 other girls. i was behind them, but i was keeping pace with them, they were only a few seconds ahead. even mile 3 was ok, but then they picked up the pace and i was like WHAT ARE THEY DOING???? i couldn't keep up. i was just like, man was this their strategy for the 2nd lap? man, this sucks. but then they turned off and finished at the 5k. it was fun to see them finish, all sprint finish and all.
and i kept going, into the headwind, all alone and by myself. then i turned and headed toward the hill and noticed that everything (except my back!) down to my left elbow was hurting! i started to hyperventilate, which is no fun when going up hill and i was pretty sure i wasn't going to make it. but then i started to feel ok but that 4th mile pretty much blew. mile 5 was only slightly better. i really wanted to make mile 6 count but yeah, not much there. when i got to the out and back i was glad to be off the twisty gravel and be on flat but headed to the finish it was all head wind and stuff. at the 6 mile mark i really tried to give it my all for those last .2 and my speed did not increase. it was rough. after i crossed the finish line i had to lean against a tree. i came home, barely made it through a shower then slept for 2 hours!!!
wow. racing is tough.
PR maybe. i as happy with the time but at the same time don't understand why i am not faster. its a PR maybe because it was definitely a PR for a stand alone 10k. the 8 miler i did last year was at a faster pace and the 10k at the end of the tri i did last july was slightly faster by 25 seconds. does that count?
regardless, it was good to get racing and the sleep that followed was delicious.

plans

today we found out that eric made the team usa team, too!! i don't know if alabama will know what is going to hit it.
i will be fully versed in the south as only 1 month prior i will be in nashville.
two things i never thought i would say "i'm going to nashville!" and "i;m going to alabama!"
so i am pretty sure we have driven through tennesee when i was little either on our way to florida or maybe on the way back but i haven't ever gone there on purpose and actually stayed.
i also have been to alabama. but only for like a few minutes. when i was living in atlanta we said, oh, let's go to alabama! so we drove west, hit alabama, got freaked out so we turned around and headed back into good, safe georgia!
but swimming has been going really well!
AND i am going to do a 10k race this weekend. i do'nt know how it will go but i am kind of excited. whoa!!

wow, that was a lot of yds

i think this week was an all time high for swim volume!!! 11,450!! wow!! that was a lot. my swimming is coming along nicely which is good since just a month ago i was swimming backwards! significantly less effort to go slightly faster. i'd say that is a win. but boy, i am a little on the tired side.
today is st patricks day. because of this, i wore this to the pool this morning:

it was a bit of a challenge because a)its totally stretched out b)since i got this one i have realized my actual swim suit size is 2 sizes smaller 3)because of a&b i wore an extra swim top on top to keep it family friendly. and all of this on a 3300 yds day, one that included 10x200!! oh that was a lot of 200s.
after swimming i went to the costco. i did some looking around and the sample people were crazy sampling all over the place. one lady came chasing me down saying that if i wanted i could try the thermacare heating pads.

i told her unfortunately i have had plenty of experience with them and didn't need to sample them. she looked at me sorta funny and then said, yeah, i guess it is one of those things that it is sort of unfortunate if you have to use them.
but i picked up a book for the kids and some muscle milk and headed on home to take a nap. but first having a pbj and two pieces of cinnamon swirl french toast. good gracious.
other news, booked my hotel in alabama. yahoo! i think. AND working on getting a new mountain bike. mine is old. like old old. and eric said i could, so now we need to get it so i can ride it and be comfortable with it before going to alabama. after that race, i might just give it to eric. we will have to see how it all works out. thinking about a specialized. they are snazzy bikes and my boyfriend Dan Hugo rides one. xoxo

deep thots

just finished up a 3hr ride. ok, so that is a lie! sort of. headed out with xtie and sara with big ambitions of doing a 3hr ride. in the rain. but at like 1:34 in i was like, no. i am cold and i didn't want to go up any more hills. so we decided to cut it to 2hrs which worked out great because i got us a bit lost and had to back track some and then we did a short detour and then got back in all of 2:15. then i got on the trainer and spun for another 45 minutes. my bike needs some work. i swear on some of the hills i was just like, dude, am i in my big ring? cardio=good, legs=not as good. i have to stretch them out instead of sit here on my equally tight arse.

yesterday i found out that i have been given a spot on team usa for the itu cross triathlon world championships. essentially the itu's version of xterra. so swim / mountain bike / trail run. oops - how'd i make the team when i've been on my mtn bike 4 times in the last year? i sent in my race resume and they took me so that is exciting. now we are waiting to hear about eric's application. he is much faster than me and has placed much better in many more races than me but his AG is much more competitive than mine, so we have to wait to find out. so we haven't 100% decided if i will go. i will go if eric gets in and goes. but if he doesn't then we need to figure out what to do. regardless, i have to do some mad planks because the USA kit is all like one piece and omg, i've got a huge gut these days. so fat. its not cool. like i have always complained about it, but man, so fat. its the medication, i know it!! omg. not sure if my new wetsuit will fit any more! yikes! haven't even been in the lake yet in it. so fat. f-a-t. and what doesn't help is that eric apparently likes my fat ass the way it is because he keeps commenting on how it looks in my jeans. i hate him. its his fault too because i have zero will power and he brings things like nutella and frosted mini wheats into the house. in BULK even. f***er. oh but i do love him. wait, no i don't, i just don't hate him 10 of the time, and its not like even the fat is just adding more muscle. no, it is fat.
i cut my bangs the other day. all by myself. i went to get my eyelashes did because they ALL FELL OUT. the eye lash lady convinced me that they are just too expensive to keep getting done. but i love them! she also hinted that maybe i was a little addicted to them, which i admit i was because I LOVE THEM, so i wound up not getting them did again but i did get my hairs cut. she cut a lot off but it didn't actually seem any different. and i got all frustrated so i chopped the bangs right off!! the morning i was headed out of town for a work trip, awesome. totally awesome because i got to see ALLIE!!! total random, 2hrs when we both happened to be in the same city and we were able to meet up!! HOORAY!! everyone needs a little more Allie in their lives!!! but, the bangs still look ok i think. maybe i will have to take the scissors to them some more even! horray!
so now i am just sitting here. resting my fat ass on TWO pillows because otherwise my back starts to hurt. gah!! tomorrow i run for like 384036 hrs and swim for just about as long.
but that is good because i took TWO extra days off this week. after my trip i was oh so tired, totally exhausted.
.....
so now its tonight!! i did all the swimming in the outdoor pool with lavonne and janet and some other peeps and it was so glorious! oh the fresh clean water!!! and it was almost as though some sun came out. it was so nice!! and then chit chatting over coffees, hot chocolates, crepes and croissants. then i went home, got ready for my run, jumped in the car to drive to the flat trail. 15 minutes it takes me to get there. so when i got there, yeah, i forgot my running shoes. so i drove home, got the shoes then drove like 8 minutes to a closer part of the flat running trail, why didn't i go there the first time??? but i ran towards the park and it was going great. 40 minutes later i turned around to start my 2x10' intervals. into a headwind!!! the whole way!!!! and it was pace intervals, not HR so it was extra ugh! but i got it done and was pretty darn happy with it.
it was a good weekend. i'm recovered, i am tired though, and i ate all the leftovers for dinner but someone told me that leftovers are 1/2 the calories that they were when they were first served. just like how free samples from the bakery have zero calories. but then, THEN the girl scouts stopped by to drop off the cookies we bought. gah!! i was happy (and sad) to see that we only got 3 boxes. But THEN eric and the kids came home and of course eric was dragging in a 6 pack o beers and a 1/2 gallon of ice cream. he will be the death of me!!!

the big joke

ok, so there is a reason why eric stays home with the kids and i get sent off the coal mines.
not too long ago, seamus and i were reading a book about cats. one of the words in bold, that required more information was GENES. she asked what they were. ok, earlier in the conversation we had already discussed how the dad cat helps the mom cat become a mom. but boy the genes topic was way harder to explain. so tonight, we went for a walk and started talking about politics and how one of the big republican something or anothers was going on this week. so i mentioned how back in the last election i was going to participate in a caucus and everyone wanted to know what THAT was. so i tried to explain it. and while i was explaining it eric totally made fun of me for my inability to explain things at a level an 8 and 6yr olds can understand, seeing as when i was trying to explain genes, and eric totally called me out on it when i told him about it, i totally brought up the DNA.
me: maybe nadj is the same size and she just looks smaller since fuzy is so huge!
eric: no, she is totally skinnier, you can tell my her waist line.
nadj has a waist. who knew?

when will it stop!!

ever since i went and saw brooke at nordstrom and she helped me get my fashion groove back, i have been non stop shopping. i did manage to take a break there for a month or two, but dude, DUDE!! i have to get it under control. but i went to the jcrew yesterday. i went a few weeks and saw a few things and totally fell in love with the idea of this one particular outfit, so i took sirus with me and tried it on. and it did not look good. sirus said he liked it, but alas, all i could see was pasty white glowing in the mirror. highly disappointing. i did leave with a new top, although its a sweat shirt and really i was almost thinking about getting rid of the house uniform sweatshirt but when i actually start to think about putting it in the trash or the donation pile i start to get all anxious and tears start to well up. i ran into dana at the mall, and she saw me in what i call "1 step up from the house uniform". i had my dress up house uniform pants on. let me tell you i was looking good, too. what have i become - going to bellevue square like that!! poor eric. poor poor eric. omg and sirus! poor sirus!! he actually was seen in public with me!!
anyway, the new top from the jcrew might be part of the house uniform replacement. also, apparently i am the only person in the world who A) wears underpants under my yoga pants aka dress up house uniform pants and B) wears my yoga pants baggy - waist to feet baggylicious. i wear them baggy for two reasons: 1) so i can wear underpants under them and 2)because i don't want my butt or front butt to be on display like i see so many yoga pant wearers doing.
then i took sirus to the lego store and he played in there for about 15 minutes, then we went to splendid which is my favorite store lately and the cause of my shopping problems. brooke helped me pick out my very first 2 splendid clothing items and then the splendid bitches opened up a store right there in bellevue square! i i bought a "maxi" skirt. now i am pretty tall, and that skirt is so maxi it is on the floor. i was talking to the sales girls and was just like - who is this made for? apparently you can wear it as a dress too which i will totally be doing. but i will also wear it as a skirt. and i picked up another pair of leggings! yikes! these ones are thicker so although i really like my other pair that i picked up there, i might like these ones more because they will be less likely to become see through. i think. i hope.

after the splendid is when we ran into dana and then went to starbucks. we stood in line in front of the goalie for the seattle sounders. i knew he was someone interesting when i saw him from afar because he was very tall, tan and very handsome. and then i saw his shoes and i was like, ok, this dude has something going on, or must be european or something. he had on super fancy shiny pumas. they were crazy. then some woman got out of line to go talk to him then she got back in line and he got in line behind me and sirus. all the while the little girl with the woman was yelling "you can't talk to that man!" over and over again. that's when she said "he plays for the sounders!" and i said - ooh, interesting. so i sneaked a photo and then looked him up. he IS super tall - 6'5!! my brush with fame. HA. then i ran into leslie - another brush with fame!!

omg, i ate a shit ton of birthday cake. the kids didn't get to celebrate eric's bday so we did that today and following our tradition, we just put the birthday cake in the middle of the table and with each of us armed with a fork we started to dig in. ugh, now i feel sick.
tomorrow is monday monday. la la, la la la la.

accountability

a few things. i am going to nashville in april. what is that? nashville? yeah. one place i never thought i would go. i am flying there 1st class though, so that's exciting.
i am also going to oakland. well, sort of. berkely but flying into oakland.
both of these places better be chock full of sunshine. at least i am hoping!!!

and wow, aren't i just the vacation queen or something!! i just got back from a long weekend away, or as bridget jones would say - a mini break. we did a lot of driving without really going anywhere:
thursday - out to yakima and back
friday - to wenatchee for a swim lesson and an interesting conversation and weird observation in the locker room, a test drive of a new car and then to chelan.
saturday - to winthrop for a 30k ski and then back to chelan.
sunday - to leavenworth to to ski and munchen haus goodness and then back to chelan
monday - home and then to the gym.
it was a fantastic vacation. a weekend of good physical activity, lots of rest and lots of time with my main squeeze.

during my swim lesson, eric was video taping. what was shocking was that i swear i kick super small and tight, just like they say i should but then i saw the video and wow, my legs are ALL over the place. crazy. video feedback is good. my two swims since then have both been really good. although my right arm is a little geeked and i was worried i pulled something in my back today. but i think its because i am now using my totally disgusting "gross" muscles now instead of my teeny tiny pretty muscles.

you know what i am going to do? i am going to offer a service where i will help people pick out what clothes to wear to work out in. yes, there are plenty of wonderful stores out there that have all the cutest athletic wear, but somehow people still manage to do it all wrong. now, i don't tend to get all dressed up to go to the gym. i wish i did, but i like baggy stuff so i can breath and a lot of the cute stuff is close fitting. i have to be able to let my gut hang out and not be self concious about it. but you know what i don't do? i don't wear bottoms of any sort that show sweat in unsightly locations. i do have some grey baggy shorts, but grey is one of the worst offenders of a poor choice in athletic bottoms. i often wonder why people get any color on the bottom half. i did have pink running shorts once and i liked them, but they were baggy. not like baggy but not tight and certainly did not show sweat. the only thing worse than grey, sweat stained bottoms is wearing under wear under them and having major underpant lines. really i don't care what people wear on top, ok, that is a lie but the bottoms are really the big offenders. and that is just the ladies. the guys, oh the guys!!! ugh.
this one is called "men's hot shorts"

and these two dudes are totally confusing:

i lied on valentines day!!

i was sitting here all minding my own business when eric said, uh, don't take this the wrong way, but did you get hit in the face or something? what IS that?
to which i replied, that is Natasha. so i guess i really would say i think i'll name that thing growing out of the side of my face Natasha. and i already have.
eric got me chocolate covered strawberries for valentines day. i thought he got them for the family but so far i have had 6 of them, and he has had one and that is it. they need to be consumed or they will go bad and you can't let them go bad!!
i had a good swim today! WHAT? i know, seriously. and one of the swim instructors said she liked my swim suit and one of the other ones was wearing sunglasses inside in the pool. why is he doing that?
6 chocolate covered strawberries is too many in such a short time. i do think the shoot up the strawberries with something, kind of like how those chickens on the foster farms commercials get shot up with water and salt and "flavor". similar stuff gets into these strawberries i think.

[no title] because i don't have anything witty to say

2 other things i don't say:

wow, this mustache really makes me look distinguished.
i think i'll name that thing growing out of the side of my face Natasha.

onto other news:
i went on a date with the swim coach! hooray! for those of you that may be concerned about it, it wasn't really a date and i told eric all about it.

wow, i had a big week last week which was awesome considering the week before that totally blew. did i mention that two things that are apparently key to a good swim include a swim suit that fits and goggles that fit, and are new, too! hooray! but i had two big swims, a hard run and a big run and a long bike and omy gosh!! the long run and long bike were both outdoors! cannot believe it!!

oh poor little sirus if having some breathing problems tonight, too. oh that little guy.

shart i don't say.

stealing this idea from lavonne, but changing it to stuff i don't say. check it:

wow, my skin looks awesome!
i can touch my toes!
chocolate, ew, gross!
i'll have tea, thanks.
i'm vegan.
extra jalepenos please!
I totally want to go bungee jumping.
I totally want to go sky diving.
wow, its really warm in my office.
where's the sunblock?
kim kardashian is my idol.
i like rap music.
i want to move back to ohio.
my ass looks so tiny in these jeans!
i wouldn't be caught dead in public with hairy legs.
i threw out my house uniform.
i blow dried my hair.
i brushed my hair.
i hate cereal.
Tom Cruise is so hot.
i hate riding on the trainer.
jumping rope is so easy.
lets all use our outside voices!!
i love swimming in the lake!
dan hugo isn't my type. AT ALL.