because

so i just ate two chocolate covered ice cream bars.  WHY?  because eric wouldn't go get any tequila and why the heck not.  ok, so i feel a little sick now.
but maybe because i am thinking about my appointment tomorrow.  aak!  its not going to be too much different than the appointment with the radiology people on monday but its more real, getting closer, and coming to terms with the long term side affects and what not.  and the hair.  oh, the hair.  i have been looking at the internets of some hair loss photos resulting from radiation and there are some funky hair loss patterns.
when i told my boss i was going to lose my hair, i told him it would just be in patches and not at all like his bald head.  this is totally what i get for asking him all the time if he has bad head days and if his head gets cold!  oh, its karma, i know it!!  but he shaves his head, so we discussed that maybe he will just shave it in patches.  and i have some wonderful friends and my sister who are going to cut their hairs with me!   my poor hair guy, i have booked 3 back to back appointments for next week and he is going to be bombarded!
oh, and do you want to know what is grosser than gross? so one might think that the video was gross, or maybe some of the post surgery photos.  but no, those are all unicorns and rainbows.  the other day i was like, why do i have this scab on my incision.  did it open up?  it doesn't look like its juicing or anything, what could it be.  then i got another scab like thing. this time in the part by my ear, the part that didn't close up as nice and tight as every where else.  ok, so when i went in on monday they told me what is going on!  the disolvable internal stitches are disolving and instead are working their way out!!  how gross is that?  omg, i looked at it after i washed my hair today and almost passed out.  i want to grab them and pluck them out, but considering even they weren't willing to do that when i was at the doctors, i guess its best i don't do that. nasty.
what else?  i swear something else was going on.  oh, i picked up an angry birds shirt for sirus the other day.  he has worn it the past three days in a row.  this evening i found it under the bed.  he stashed it there so he could wear it tomorrow too.  it has the angry birds playing in a rock band.  today i caught him standing in front of the full length mirror wearing it and playing the air guitar then he switched to air drums and then to air key board.  it was particularly awesome because he was making rock n' roll faces while he was doing it.
i wonder if the radiation will get rid of my zits?  dude, it better.
oh, now i remember.  turns out i still have increased growth hormone because i am a BAD ASS.  well, they don't know.  i had misunderstood the last blood test before i had surgery, the 3 hour long one.  that was a glucose tolerance test to see if i had some disease the happens when you have high growth hormone.  so, at that test i did not have that disease or disorder to whatever.  they all say they can tell by looking at me that i don't have it - it makes you have giant hands and feet, and your face can get all crazy too.  apparently both andre the giant and Abraham Lincoln had it (not gigantism).  but apparently, the reason they were going all crazy with blood tests trying to figure it out before my surgery was because if you have it, then your post op care is very different.  since i don't have it, i got normal care.  i wonder what they would do differently, didn't ask that one.  so i have the increased growth hormone, which could still be residual from my extreme physical awesomeness, or it could be caused by something else.  it could also be that i have that disorder, or was developing it and it just wasn't showing on that last test yet.  at least that is what they told me today.  so they are going to keep an eye on me for that.  they are going to have to keep an eye on me anyway because of the radiation and the effect it is going to have on my pituitary gland.  just one more thing to add to the list.
while someday i may not have to worry about the actual tumor anymore, i will always have to worry about that pituitary gland.  pretty involved for a benign tumor if you ask me.
good gracious.  i asked the swim coach to shave my head when the time comes.  he said he will.