later on, on thursday

when i had gone in on may 7th for a ct scan and blood work and meetings and all that i met monte who ran the ct scan situation.  he was wearing denim scrubs, head to toe.  he said he would see me again right after surgery but that i probably wouldn't realize it.
i don't know when i started to come around after the surgery, but it seemed very loud and it seemed like they were jostling me around a lot.
i had my eyes closed and i felt like ass, not really in pain i don't think, just sick.  a weird sick.  not hung over sick, but definitly pukey.  i remember trying to throw up a lot.  a lot, over and over again.  i thot i heard them say i was getting a ct scan, but i wonder how they did that, how could i have laid still enough?  the ct scan only takes like 2 minutes but i am pretty sure i was hurling, or trying to quite a bit.
then i was rolled around some more, i heard nurses saying i was retching which at the time i thought sounded a little unprofessional.  i just did a little google/wikipedia search on that.  retching really is its very own thing:  rhythmically alternating (about once per second) elevation and descension of the entire pharyngolaryngoesophagogastric apparatus in synchrony with the movement of the diaphragm.  hmm.
eventually i was being put into bed in the ICU and i was given a warm blanket and OMG all i could think at that very moment was wow, this warm blanket feels really good, i may have even said so.
i know they kept putting a suction thing in my mouth to get whatever it was i was retching up, and they put an oxygen thingy in my nose for a tiny bit too.  
i know my doctors came to visit, i think i even talked to them. my surgeon even held the retch bucket for me as i retched into it!  i knew he was there, i could see him, retch retch retch!!!  he didn't flinch or anything!  eric and christie were there with me, too, they said i did a very good job of answering questions and following directions and all of that.  at one point i even thot about answering one of the questions incorrectly on purpose but thot better of that.  brain surgery is serious business!  shouldn't mess around like that!!  that shit will get you killed or put in jail, just like messing with the TSA or border police!
i heard eric's parents stop in for a minute too, it was so nice of them to come for the day to support us.
i think everything eventually calmed down, i had a crazy blood pressure cuff on that was taking my blood pressure all the time, i had these compression air puff sock things on that inflated every 10 minutes or so, i had "an arterial line" iv thing that would beep like a mo-fo if i moved just right, the IVs were clicking, and dripping and beeping and OMG, everything was so loud!!

resting, notice the drainage tube in the noggin

i remember being calm and waking up to see eric and being so happy to see him.  and i COULD see him!  clearly!  with both eyes!!  my vision was better, so quickly!  i just opened my eyes and i could see again!  amazing!!

happy to continue with the trend thanks to minimally invasive, hopefully not transmitted on the internets, totally passed out catheter care

 i slept a lot, apparently i complained a lot that my head hurt.
my nurse was named Norm on that first night.  he was a nice guy.  a big guy, i was surprised over the course of the whole hospital stay as to how many man nurses there were.  i'd say 1/2?  even more? 
christie stayed with me that first night in the ICU.  private ICU rooms that allow overnight guests!  but man, she is a trooper!!! but she is so smart too!  she brought her own blanket!  and they gave her some extras and a pillow too.   i was up all the time with beeps and puffs and alarms and medications and crap,non-stop noise all the time. and every time i looked over at her, she had her head up looking around making sure everything was ok.   i was so grateful to have her there, and grateful that eric was able to go home to be with the kids and i hoped he would get some rest.
that first day, thursday, wow, its a blur, it went by so fast. morning came eventually!

Percussion / Vibration Module Installed on the TOTALCARE Sport model

thursday May 17

the alarm finally went off at 4am.  thank goodness!!  my shoulders and back were so tense from non sleep that it was a relief to finally get out of bed.
took another awesome ash tray shower, put on some clothes, gave my mom a million hugs and then we were off.
we parked on the top floor of the parking garage and went into the hospital to check in.  they said, oh, you can't check in for another hour, not until 6:30am.  ak!

so we sat in the hospital lobby and watched as the day started.  christie came by and we all just hung out, passing the time, noticing my surgeon as he walked into the starbucks in the hospital lobby.  i tried to not look that way, didn't want to have an awkward, uh, hi there, hope you got the triple shot this morning, kind of conversation, but he was far away and it was good to see that he's a normal (??) kinda guy.
eventually we got to check in, that was probably one of the longest hours to pass but i was grateful to have christie and eric there.  after checking in, we got instructions:
go down the hallway, make a right, go up the ramp and then pick up the white phone.  tell the person on the phone your name and then wait.  WTF???  what is THAT??

but THAT was exactly what we did.  they came out and got me right away.  christie stayed in that waiting room, but eric came back with me.  it seemed like a small, crowded room, same day surgery holding cell.  lots of people with lots of curtains separating us all.  that was the last time i had on underpants for many days, since i had to take everything off and get into a gown. my head hurt and i was a bit of a wreck.  eric gets chatty in those situations, so he was non-stop.  i wanted to ease drop on all the other patient's check in stories, but i couldn't hear them over eric, so i had to ask him to shut it for a bit and he did.  but we still managed to have some fun in there.

and then the lights were flickering!  WTF again!  turns out that they test the generators on thursday mornings, hence the 630 check in instead of 530, or something.  
the anesthesiologist came up to meet us, he was a kind of goofy, super friendly asian guy.  he chatted with us a long time and answered a ton of questions.  then it was all very quick quick quick!
it seemed like i was the last one in the holding cell.  we had two nurses doing all kinds of assessments, busy busy then it was time to go!  eric ran to get christie really quick, we had some hugs, then they were wheeling me away without a good bye kiss from eric!  luckily he is a fast runner and he caught me right before the loaded me on the elevator down to the BASEMENT.

it wasn't until after that last little kiss that i started to get really scared.  i almost started to cry and i felt very alone.  but the lady pushed me along, almost taking out a few corners it seemed!  we passed down a long long hallway with a bunch of lead vests having along the wall.  there was a sign over them saying somethign to the effect of "if it doesn't have your name on it, don't use it" but i was surprised to see the vests all in green, pink, camoflauge, and stuff.
then we got to the basement surgery holding room!
here everyone was wearing the green scrubs, everyone had their hair up in a hat (even me!  i had to put a hat on before being wheeled down there which was funny since they were going to have to take the hat off anyway!)  but everyone wears their srubs differently - some skin tight (!!!!) and some baggy, but mostly just wearing them however.
nurses came to talk to me, the anesthesiologist came by again, lots of talk about making sure i got marked properly (not this arm, not this leg, lift this, tuck that).  and then some waiting.  weird tho was that my nurse was chewing gum and one of the other nurses was late, running around - i'm late!!  traffic!!!  akk!!  kind of sureal, as was the guy who i assume was a different anesthesiologist with the giant handlebar mustache and big green hat holding in his hair.  
one by one, just like in the other holding cell, the patients were wheeled away.  i kept feeling like i was part of the graduating class of may 17, 2012.
and finally it was my turn to go.
we saw a few people in the hallways, but it was very quiet.  i looked into the other rooms as we went by, i was surprised at how big they were but i guess that is a good thing.
then we got to room 3. the nurse put on her mask which looked like it would have caught any gum that might fall out and then we went in.
there was a guy in there with probably 20 trays of stuff all lined up.  the nurse called out to him and introduced him, i think as the scrub nurse, he turned and waved.  i scrunched further into my wheely bed and light blanket pulled up to my nose.  there were tv monitors all over the place with what must have been my brain on them, lots of big lights but they weren't turned on yet.
then they asked me to get myself over onto the actual operating table, so i did, but they kept me wrapped up in blankets.  i can't remember if other nurses showed up but i know between the one nurse and the anesthsiologist, they were sticking things to me and pulling wires and cords out of everywhere.  then next thing you know, the anesthesiologist pulled out the mask, put it over my face, i felt that it was squishy and did not smell or taste of bubble gum or orange, then the last thing i remember was me saying, yeah, i can feel that starting to work!

a whole week!!!

holy crap!!  what a week!!!!
so last wednesday when i was nesting...  (the kids have done an amazing job of helping out and keeping things tidy!  they worked with grandma on a list of things for them to do every day to help out and it seems like it is working!  and no one has even asked me for their $5 yet!)
so last wedensday was a tough day.  i don't remember too much of it, lots of sleeping, lots of waiting.  anticipating "the aniceptic shower".  ya know. every day stuff.
my mom came to visit because she was going to stay with the kids and take them to school and stuff and later in the evening janet an lavonne came to visit.  i was so happy to see them and spend some time chatting away.  it was nice to just hang out and relax and chat and enjoy their company.  they brought me some cupcakes and a triathlon charm from the LUNA girls and we just visited.  it was getting late, and i was tired and still needed to get some stuff done, so after a few hugs and more laughs, they headed out.

all week i was wondering what to do about the kids and this surgery.  we had told them on monday, so much so that on thursday when the crossing guard asked sirus on the way to school where daddy was he told her, oh mommy is having a squishy thing taken out of her brain today, so he is with her.  seamus had cried and cried when it was time for bed.. she was scared and nervous and when i laied there in her bed with her, we talked about how i would be under anesthesia.  she cried more and went on and on "oh mommy!  you are not going to like it at all!"  she knew since she had been under for her oral surgery not too long ago.  she eventually fell asleep, sweet baby girl that she is.
i took the shower!  akk, ok, it was really weird, the stuff smelled like ashes from an ash tray and i didn't feel clean after but i put on clean jammies and then set to work.
i had not tried to think too much about the surgery and what could happen.  other than all the waivers that told me i could die any minute, it didn't ever come up that this tumor thing could kill me.  so i opted to not think about it.  but i was going in for freaking brain surgery!  they were cutting open my HEAD and going to pluck some squishy thing right out of it!!  i had to face reality a little bit.  that night could have been the last time my kids ever got to see me.  i wrote them each a note for in their lunch and snack bags.  i could have gone on and on about how much i love them and how proud i am of them and the little people they are becoming, but at the same time, i'm like, dude, i don't want to be all doom and gloom and scare them and stuff and i didn't want to start crying because my head hurt already.  but it was hard, i just hope they always know i love them so much.
then i went to bed.  and laid there.  for hours.

nesting

can it really be called nesting when its getting ready for brain surgery?  i am sure i pushed it too far today but OMG i would have never been able to rest comfortably under massive amounts of anesthesia knowing seamus's room was such a train wreck!!!    so i cleaned her room, cleaned sirus's room and shut the playroom door.  that room, is too much.  i know their rooms will be a nightmare when i get back but hopefully, just hopefully they can stay semi tidy until i head out tomorrow morning. 
oh, and i walked the kids to school this morning with eric.  after all of this, of course i took a nap.  on and off for a few hours.  no tests today but lots of phone calls.  if i have to tell another person that i haven't taken flonase in 6 months or more i might lose it!!
so i have made a deal with the kids.  they will each get $5 if they keep their rooms tidy and make sure they are especially tide when i come back from the hospital - playroom included!  they both agreed half heartedly.
so i am waiting for this surgery thing to happen.  i am assuming that this time tomorrow i will be finished and recovering. i do have to say that as the days have gone by and head head has begun to hurt more and my eye sight has gotten worse, that i am a bit tired of this.  i have to be ok with the eyesight thing since that might not change, but i do hope it doesn't get any worse.  or will i get used to it and come to a point where i don't even notice it?  i've stopped driving because its too distracting.  thankfully my appetite has adjusted to be in line with my lack of activity.  oh and my ass got the memo too because it has sucessfully drooped down to the back of my knees.  how quickly i lose it! 
although i got the notes from the endocrinologist, and she had this to say about me:
"well nourished, pleasant and cooperative" and then also "in no acute distress".
let me  translate:
well nourished = fat
pleasant and cooperative = jolly
no acute = ugly
why is she so mean to say such things about the poor lady with the brain tumor!!!
tragedy did strike yesterday however.  i saw on the facebooks that the betsey johnson store in seattle was going out of business.  tragic!!!  so since we were there for all that blood work anyway, we stopped in and found out that betsey johnson actually filed for bankruptcy!  all stores and internets are closing!!!  she will have a few things here and there in department stores but won't have all of her beautiful boutiques with amazing dresses any more!  i almost started crying when i told the girl how i had dreamed of bringing seamus there for prom shopping ever since she was a baby!  i was tempted to snatch up a handful or more of the cute dresses for her for when she is older but didn't.  too risky and too expensive!!  instead i got two dresses, both of which when i showed them to seamus she looked at them stunned, one of which she blurted out - can i wear that?  i hadnt even told her that that was the someday plan!  so i am glad she likes it!  oh my betsey dresses!!!  i wanted to get a bunch of shoes, too.  maybe i will hold out and see if they wind up more on sale before i do that.
i wonder if i will wind up with a crazy hair cut and black eyes like they warned.  i wonder if i will feel sick or if it will hurt?  after sunday night in the ER, not sure i could feel any more sick than that.  pukarama!  i even took my spare puke bag to the blood draw yesterday, the guy laughed.  he just did his 25th consecutive Bloomsday!
if you are wondering, yes, i am starting to get a little freaked out.  but i'll be back!!

getting caught up

it's tuesday evening.  almost there.  almost time.
after the bog day of appointments and the low down last monday, the rest of the week was uneventful, sort of like my unremarkable pituitary.  i am pretty sure i came home every day and slept for a few hours.  then i got the call on thursday that my labs were back from all the testing on monday.  had some elevated growth hormone.  the tricky thing about elevated growth hormone is that awesome athletes like my self can have GH levels higher than the norm.  if this is the case, it's good in lots of ways.  but they weren't able to tell.  so i went in on friday for more blood work.  just a little this time, i was outta there lickety split!  after work we headed to leavenworth.
what a beautiful weekend!!  friends of ours invited to stay at their amazing house.  saturday instead of heading to chelan for the mtn bike race as originally planned, he stayed in town.  amy, the kids and i went for a hike.  just a 4 miler, more like a walk one would say.  but since i am such a bad ass, i will call it a hike.  but wow, by the end i was totally starting to bonk.  dude, 4 miles.  2 hrs.  and i was bonking!  at least sirus was bonking with me.
once we got back to the house i slept for 2+ hours.  i was exhausted.  despite all the napping, i am still able to fall asleep at night quite easily at a reasonable hour and i sleep through the night.
sunday we got up, seamus wanted to walk, so she and i walked around the big field, she power walked and totally dropped me!  she is a fast one.
on the way home we stopped in to see my mom and have some mother's day lunch with her.  we hung out by the water for a bit, enjoying the view and the amazing sun!
after lunch on the way to the car i started to get a headache.  it hit pretty quickly so i slept the whole way home and as soon as we go to the house i crawled in bed for 2 hrs.  when i woke up i still had the head ache but when i sat up and then joined the family downstairs the headache got really bad.  i got concerned so i called the doctor on call and he totally confused me.  so eric took me to the ER.
i was in so much pain and ready to puke, but luckily the hospital is totally empty so they took us back right away.  when we walked into the room there were like 8 or more nurses, techs, orderlies, and who knows who else.  so when i sat down on the table a complete wreck and was like I have a brain tumor, i was surprised when they all scattered.  the ones that did stay totally took action though, complete with bringing me a very warm blanket.  i was such a mess tho and didn't open my eyes until the doctor got there but by then they had already started and iv and taken vitals and all that.  i instantly like the doctor.  when i opened my eyes i was happy to see he had a great white tie with various colored stripes on it and he reminded me of a friend's dad.    but it was a bit weird when the doctor came into the room, he had a very tall, very silent man with him who was pushing around a very tall computer - his assistant he said.  when the doctor left, the dude with the computer followed him out as well. i asked for some water and some team jacob candy striper volunteer like kid brought me a cup filled all the way to the top.  the doctor quickly managed to spill it everywhere!
the doctor did some talking, called my neurosurgeon and they decided to give me a crazy narcotic of some sort and some anti puke meds, too.  i totally started to panic with the narcotics since they hit instantly since they went in through the IV.  the nurse was just like, relax, just close your eyes.  i was waiting for him to tell me to just enjoy it, but i was like OMG my chest feels all tight, OMG, my arms, what is happening to my arms, AKK, my head, ack, so after a while it started to get better, the whole time the nurse was telling me, that's normal.  that's normal.  i was just like, this is not normal!!!
so eventually they told me we could leave.  i wasn't thrilled with that idea, but i stood up and instantly lost my lunch.  like out it came.
so i laid back down and tried getting up slower. managed to get out and into the car.  took two fancy barf bags just in case!  opened the car window and just tried to relax until we parked the car and home and i lost the rest of my lunch. well, until i got upstairs to our room, then the real rest of my lunch was lost.  totally gross.  note:  the anti nausea medicine did not work.
i slept through the night and all day on monday.  when i wasn't sleeping i was laying in bed looking out the window at the beautiful sun and blue sky!!  i was supposed to go to work Monday and Tuesday but the ER doc said no-way jose, and omg, i would have never been able to last.
also on monday i got another call saying that i had to come in on tuesday for a 3hr blood draw.  good stuff.
that was too much for me today as well, and i had to come home and sleep for a few hours.  man.  i certainly am getting caught up.  i feel somewhat better than yesterday but my head hurts and if i move around too much i feel pukey.
 just have to get through tonight and tomorrow and then we'll be on it!  can't wait to see how my pre-surgery showers go!!  my surgery could be canceled if i don't take the showers.  creepy!

photo montage

note the overly dilated eyes post visit to the eye doctor.

the circle with the colored circles in it that i couldn't see at the neuro-opthimologist!

Can you see it?

Eric showing me the anatomy of the brain

Eric still talking about the anatomy of the brain as we wait to be called in for a CT scan

surprised by the high percentage of motocross magazines in the CT scan waiting room

quick release blood draw table at swedish redmond on friday.

too much shakin' going on

dinner on the way to leavenworth

bday cupcakes for xtie.  carrie = 6, xtie = 0  Sorry!

headin out on a hike

it was quite a hike!!

in a tree

seamus really liked these trees.  they were quite fascinating!

tuesday morning blood draw.  i think tyra would be proud, i was looking fierce!

and then what happened?

The next day I talked to an endocrinologist and then on Friday we went to see the neuro-opthimologist. I had some vision tests and for the first time ever I actually couldn’t see the letters on the screen. They had to roll it up a few times for me and it was super tough. I also had a hard time finding the numbers made of colored circles in the bigger circle.

So then the doctor came in and he showed us the MRI since we hadn’t seen it yet. He told us what was going on in there, but with a lot of, “we don’t know for sure”’s and “we won’t know until we get in there” type of disclaimers. The first thing I said when I saw it and he said it was right behind my sinus’s, I was just like “uh, you think it could be full of baby spiders waiting to hatch?”. Eric and I chuckled, the doctor did not. Then he explained what was going on with my optic nerve and how it was bowing around the tumor. He said I had some permanent nerve damage and some field of vision loss too. He said he thinks that most of my vision would likely return after surgery.

Then I went to work.

Friday Sirus went to Grandmas since Seamus had her turn the other week. We had a lovely evening with Seamus and then in the morning she and I did a bunch of errands and she rode a horse and we had all kinds of fun! Then I took a nap. I was beat. Sunday we went to a bday party where the kids ran wild for a few hours, then we took the top off of the jeep and we went for a drive then I took a nap.

At no point during any of this did I do any training. Not allowed, they told me to stop. Things weren’t looking so great for ITU Worlds.

Monday went to the neuroscience place and met face to face with the endocrinologist. She told us a ton about the pituitary gland and everything it does. Eric and I argued with her, trying to get her to commit to how long the tumor had been in there. if it was less than 10yrs, Eric totally gave it to me. If it was 15 or so years, then Eric was in the clear. She said it could be either. so non-committal!!! I am pretty sure that ATT gave it to me with all the drama there was with trying to get my new phone set up. Sheesh!! And I suspect that watching this video too many times of my boyfriend Dan Hugo swimming maybe have possibly been too much for my mere mortal brain to handle, or maybe it is what gave me the vision problems? Proceed with caution if you plan to watch it. It is lovely.

After that doctor came the neurosurgeon. He did not have a sense of humor at all. But everyone tells me that is probably a good thing. The endocrinologist totally did, this guy not so much. So he told us all kinds of stuff as well. He was easy to follow and everything he said make sense. He was saying that it isn’t a pituitary tumor at all, but instead sits on top of the pituitary. he showed us how it was pushing the optic chiasm or whatever (where the optic nerves cross) to the back and bowing them behind the tumor – I had thot they were bowing up but apparently not. He showed us the carotid artery, a major artery in the brain and how the tumor was pushing on it or squishing it or something, sorta missed that part. He showed us how the tumor is pushing on the pituitary stalk that connects the pituitary gland to the brain and he showed us how it is pushing on the frontal lobes of my brains.

Then he told us how he could go in through my nose, yes, just like the Egyptians. This is apparently the preferred option for pituitary tumors because they just go right in there and pull them out. But, my tumor looks to be in that brain sack. Yeah, sack. In my brain. So they would have to pop that sack and let all the spinal fluid drip out my head and apparently it’s really hard to get that to close back up. Although they take some fat off you somewhere else and plug it all in there – liposuction as a bonus, who knew!! He talked about other complications, more about how the tumor was close to stuff and he wouldn’t be able to tell how anything was actually attached to anything until he was in there and it would be tricky to see with that approach.

So the other option is through my head. Craniotomy. Eric and I had already discussed this as a possibility many times, I even discussed it with my mom and xtie and I had decided if they had to do it would totally shave my whole head. First a little Mohawk pre-shave and then the whole thing. But as the nurse put it, it would just be a haircut. They shave as little as possible. But she did warn, he is a neurosurgeon and not a hairstylist! So I guess I should be prepared for anything.

then i had blood work and a CT scan. CT scans are SO much easier that MRIs!

that was monday.

super suit!

my team USA super suit showed up!! so fun!!!

too bad we had to cancel and won't be racing next week at the ITU Cross World Championships.

So, it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that I always think something is wrong with me. I am a bit of a drama queen, what with all the blood tests I always have done and doctor’s appointments and PT and chiro and all that. But I am always, ALWAYS healthy, like UBER healthy, like uh, nothing is wrong with you lady, please stop calling us. I am not even the tiniest bit vitamin D deficient and I live in the Seattle area where it is required to be vitamin D deficient!!

So I have been thinking for quite a bit like I was having some sinus issues. When I’d bend down I’d have sinus pressure but nothing major and nothing worth going to the doctor for because I was pretty convinced, it’s just sinus and since nothing is dripping or clogging I don’t want to wind up on antibiotics that will wind up effecting my training with Worlds so close!! Plus it really only sorta bothered me while I was swimming. Total sinus, especially since they have been converting our pool from salt water to chlorine.

The other weekend, it was going to be so sunny out!!! Seamus was with grandma for the weekend, so eric, sirus and I went for a sunny, warm run and then we took sirus mountain biking at duthie. He tore up the trails, he is such a good rider! Earlier that day I had some record setting swim times, too. Since the weather was still going to be epic, on Sunday I met up with Sara for a 2:30 ride. We planned out a route to mayvalley and it was so beautiful and warm and totally no knee warmers, I was even in a sleeveless jersey – oh my!

At one point I hit a small bump on the road and I was like – ow!! That hurt my head. Just a quick jolt to the old noggin but enough that I was like what was that about?

Then I hit a few more bumps during the ride, each having the same kind of effect. Weird.

Monday was a rest day, as Mondays tend to be, but Tuesday I woke up early to swim. I think I set some more swimming world records that morning, but I noticed that whenever I went from standing to pushing off the wall, I would feel that same pain from the bike ride. While I was swimming it was fine, it was just when I went from standing to pushing off. That night we had a LUNA workout. I was planning on doing the 6 miler but wound up with only 3 because my head was hurting with every step. No fun.

The next morning I went to the doctor. I had 30 possible reasons for it all of which she said she didn’t think was the case, so she ordered an MRI which was scheduled on Friday afternoon.

That evening I went mountain biking. Why? Because I had already planned it and I was pretty sure the doctor was going to just wind up giving me antibiotics anyway and ITU Cross Worlds was now only 3.5 weeks away plus i was racing on saturday. I needed to get in some mtn biking. The noggin hurt some, but not a ton, and only when going downhill, hitting bumps and really I didn’t notice because I have to concentrate so hard on going downhill anyway. The bike was awesome tho. So much fun and I totally felt like I was flying! Yahoo! But then it started to get dark very quickly, then rain, and some thunder so we started to head back. I had already taken my glasses off 10 times to clean them, they just seemed to be so dirty and I was having a hard time seeing out of them. I assumed because it was dark, and because of the mud and rain, but really it was because I was starting to lose my vision! I didn’t realize it completely until Thursday at work, after some more record setting swimming in the morning. but I didn’t really believe it because although things were super blurry in my left eye, it seemed like I was still able to read just find. Weird again.

Friday afternoon I went in for the MRI. I had one before on my wrist so I sorta knew what to expect but this time they made me change totally into new pants and a gown and they strapped me in and put that scary cage thing over my face. While I waited to be pushed into the hole, I looked at the funny cloud pictures on the ceiling. Then finally in I went. I discovered very quickly that I should keep my eyes closed. She talked to me a few times and I talked back but for the most part it was uneventful. A few minutes in she asked me if the MRI was ordered by my primary doctor or a neurosurgeon. I was slightly alarmed by that but didn’t think too much of it. A few minutes later she pulled me out and said she was going to put the contrast in. hmm, didn’t know I was getting contrast. Back in I went.

Finally I was done and I asked the lady if she could find out if it was ok for me to race in the mountain bike race the next day. We were headed to Ephrata right after work for the Beezley Burn! She left, came back and said sure, that would be fine. I said, ok! There must not be any potatoes in there, because surely they wouldn’t let me leave AND race with a potato in my head.

We all piled into the brand spanking new Jeep that Eric had just picked up earlier that day and off we went. After a bit on the road Eric told me how he had gotten pulled over for speeding not even 5 minutes after leaving the dealer! Gah!!! He did just get a warning, and he and the police man chit chatted about the jeep and even shook hands at the end of it all, but I was like NOOOOO!!!!

A little later I noticed that my doctor called and left a voice mail saying she wanted to discuss the results. But seeing as she called after hours and she wasn’t going to be back in the office until Tuesday I was a little freaked out but also kind of like – why won’t she just tell me!!!

Saturday, I woke up in the morning and eventually headed off to the race site. I was pretty nervous about racing. I hadn’t done much mountain biking at all in the last year or more and mountain bike races always freak me out! My head hurt during my warm up but, they let me leave and said I could ride so everything must have been ok. Who cares that I couldn’t see out of my left eye.

I lined up for the beginner / cat 3 race. Ok, there was indeed some sandbagging going on, but we had brought the kids and I needed to make sure I was done in time for Eric to start his race. What I wasn’t expecting was to be starting after a guy on a unicycle. He started with the first wave which I thought was somewhat silly. And we were off. I took off and was caught behind the guy on the unicycle right was we headed into the first bit of single track. d’oh!! But I got around him and just kept going. I was having so much fun on the new Specialized Epic Pro 29er! I was totally going much faster and taking the descents much more aggressively! I was even drifting some of the corners – yikes!

Eventually I was done (and I won!) and then we hung out to watch the end of xtie’s race and Eric’s race. It was so warm and sunny and the kids had plenty of other kids to play with at the park, so all in all it was a fantastic day!

Then we got in the car and headed home. Sunday, I went for a 1:20 trail run by myself. It wasn’t as warm and there wasn’t any sun but I enjoyed it. I was going super easy and super slow but I could have run forever, and my head to be ok. I really like to run.

Monday was my birthday! Hooray! I got old!! Sirus wanted me to open his presents as soon as I woke up – an angry birds shirt to sleep in and an angry birds iphone cover! And Seamus made me a necklace, so I wore that to work. I also hounded the doctor’s office for them to give me the results but the doctor wasn’t in. I asked if another doctor could tell me and they couldn’t. Ugh.

So Tuesday first thing, I called the doctor again. She was with patients!!! So I called again later and they hooked us up to talk. Shore enough, she said, I had a tumor. A brain tumor. In my brain. I wrote tumor on the back of a purple envelope that I had with me, ya know, in case I forgot. She sent me some phone numbers to call, and then I called Eric to let him know. That is also when I stopped shaking my head every once in a while to see if it still hurt or not.

update

wow, stay tuned. the next update is going to be a doozy!! but first, it was so warm and sunny today. we did get the new car, a jeep wrangler unlimited but today it was so nice out that we took the top off and drove all around in it. except i was in the middle of the back seat and i got a little windblown. scratch that, a lot windblown. when we got home i had to take a nap. grandma is here and the kids have not left her alone for even a second. sirus had spent the weekend with her and her house and when he was loading up to go he went on and on about how his throat was hurting a little bit, probably because he had been talking so much the past two days. probably, that boy can talk. but we did have to take him to the ER on thursday night. when we checked on him around 11pm he was working really hard to breathe. as eric was carrying him out to the car, the poor little guy woke up some asked "what are you doing!?!" they didn't get home until 2:30 or so. in the morning i asked him what he thought of going to the hospital in the middle of the night. his response "it didn't make any sense. it didn't make any sense at ALL!" silly kid. they gave him a beanie baby! that is his 2nd ER beanie baby. the other day i went out to west seattle and as i was driving along alki, i had to stop the car for a river otter to cross the road. i thought it was a sea otter, seeing as i was next to the sound and not a river but the fishery friends all told me it was probably a river otter because sea otters don't really get out on the land that much. it was really a chupacabra but i didn't want to freak anyone out. omg, and i turned OLD last week. on monday. OLD OLD OLD. but not as old as eric. big updates coming up. big i tell you!