side effect or coincidence?

hmm, 3 treatments down and 26 more to go.  they were saying that i shouldn't feel anything until like 10 or so treatments in, but after the first one i felt kind of sick.  i figured it was just a release from finally having the first one done, the stress outlet or something. thursday i felt ok except the bad heartburn i had all day, then friday afterwards i was wiped out.  i felt like ass and was super tired and i just felt icky.
the funny thing is that i lay there on that table, its weird to think that anything other than a bunch of noises is really happening.  they say i can keep my eyes open the whole time but when the radiator starts coming into view i close my eyes.  doesn't seem safe to keep them open.  maybe one of these days i'll test it out, but not tomorrow.  i don't trust it.
i was also mistaken about the photo of the machine.  only the big thing on top rotates around.  the dark panel thing on the bottom is used for imaging.  when they aren't taking xrays, those things fold up so the thing on top can move around. 
did i mention the door?  its the only indicator that they room is "fortified."  the door itself is like a foot thick.  then they told me all the walls and floors are too.  i told them that i thot the dark panel thing was there to keep the beams from continuing onto China but they straightened me out there.
right now my stomach hurts.  feels like heart burn again.  gas?  i don't know.  i felt really bad because today i was just like, wtf.  its sunday and i am dreading monday.  why?  because i don't want to go to the treatment tomorrow.  its not a big deal.  its not like it takes a lot of time, it doesn't hurt.  but it does make me feel like a sick person, and i'm not sick. 
BUT i did decide that if my hair falls out and i wind up shaving my head i am totally going to get a tattoo on my head somewheres. that would be awesome.  don't know what i'll get, but it will be something.  something so that like when i am all old and my hair is thinning from being old, it totally shows and makes people be like, what is going on over there?  ok, probably not anything like that, but i'll get something.  maybe i will get eric's face tattooed on the back of my head.  how awesome would that be!

#1 of 29

today was the first day of radiation.  but first!!!  i went swimming.  the 2nd swim since surgery, since before surgery, since April 26!!  thats like 3 months!!!  yikes!  it was slow and it wasn't very far BUT!  i didn't wear a swim cap and it was AMAZING!!  wow, swimming without one is so much better, it feels so nice.  i might keep my hair short for that reason alone!!!
after eric and the kids took me to the hospital and dropped me off at the oncology place.  i checked in and the front desk lady too me right back.  she showed my the routine - what i will do every weekday for the next 29 days (except labor day, i get that day off).  but you come in, walk right back, scan the card with the bar code that they gave me that tells them I am there then i sit and wait.  today i waited in that special room for a bit, looking over the daunting schedule of 29 treatments plus 3 MRIs, and then also the sheet of radiation side effects and how to take care of my head / hair / skin.  they had given that to me before, and i read it before, but something about sitting there at that very moment, not knowing what was actually going to happen really started to scare me.  i was more scared than when i was being wheeled into that elevator headed to the basement for surgery!
they eventually came to get me and we went into the control room. they showed me the computer stuff and the tv screens they use to watch me the whole time.  then we went into the treatment room.  I had been thinking of my friend kate who has been sharing her own radiation stories with me. she is a breast cancer survivor, and although her situation was different, I have really appreciated her perspective and all of the information she has shared with me.  she had told me how afraid she was when she went to radiation for the first few times, but she was brave, so i could be brave too.  but that didnt stop me from gasping and almost passing out when i first saw the machine and was like holy shit!!!  this is crazy!!

the room was so big and scary!  and empty!  why was it so empty?

 then i laid on the bed thing.  well i guess its a table.  it is FLAT, flatter then flat.  it is not comfortable and they bind your feet with a giant rubber band which is funny and weird.  then they put on my mask!

that is me with a reservoir tip on my nose!

 then a bunch of stuff started happening, not fast but a lot.  the table went up, the radiation give came down.  then they took a bunch of xrays to make sure everything was lined up.  from what i could tell they took 6.  while i was laying there while they were doing all that stuff was really when through this whole experience, i was like oh shit!!  am i a sick person?  this is a big deal, there is really something wrong in my head!  and i almost started to cry.  but then i noticed the music playing and the design on the ceiling and i started to think of the nice people who were getting me all set up wondering how they learn to do what they do and if it is hard and if they like it.

who's got two thumbs, a mask on her face and is ready to get radiated?  this girl!

after the 6 xrays and some minor adjustments to stuff they got started with the treatments.  in the above photo, that thing above my head and the thing below my head rotate.  so it went from like ear to ear, across my forehead?  or maybe through the back of my head, i don't know.  then the table turned counter clockwise 90 degrees and the thing rotated again, from like the middle of my forehead to the back of my head.  all of that took like 20 seconds, no kidding.  it made super cool sounds, too.  it made me think of the shows we watched a long time ago as kids that explained how they did all the special effects for the starwars movies and how the sounds guy would go around recording all kinds of things like trucks driving by, metal stamping machines, whatever.  but that radiation machine sounded way cool. 
i was explaining to someone how the tumor is benign and how it won't spread to other parts of my body or other parts of my brain.  but really how it will just always be a pain in my figurative ass, and never in my literal ass.  i made myself laugh with that one!

another less blurry self portrait of my short hair, with a cheezy smile.

 yesterday i had a big surprise. one right after the other, janet, xtie and lavonne all showed up with super short hairs!!  allie had gotten her hairs super short even before me, but all of them did it to support me in my potential baldness and i love them for it!  i loved them even if they would have kept their hairs long, but i cannot express how awesome it is of them!  they all look super cute, too!!

Sirus's dixie cup boat floating in the sink

seamus and sirus and fuzy helping eric paint!

pinterest will be the death of me!

this is my Thanks to Pinterest list:
I have baked cookies with chickpeas as the main ingredient
I have made Carmelitas
I have created a great necklace organizer for in my closet
I have (well, Eric has) built awesome clothing dividers on the top shelf in our closet
I have (again, Eric has) built us an awesome closet unit that is so bad ass it has totally changes my outlook on life
I re-fashioned some wide leg jeans into skinny leg jeans
I have realized i do not own nearly enough infinity scarves or tall boots to be fashionable

and most recently, although all of the above things have been in like the last week, despite spending a good week or more early in my recovery with my main source of entertainment being to just stare at the blank white wall in our bedroom,  I have decided that we need some paint on those walls and some new lighting.  So right this very instant Eric is up in the attic clearing away insulation, getting ready to install some new lights!!  Right now the only light we have in there is an ugly ceiling fan light.  oh i should take a before photo, but i am lazy so i won't.  so he is putting in some recessed lights and then we will swap out the fan for one that is not so damn ugly and does not have the lights.  then he will paint two of the walls "manor house" i think it is called and leave the other two the lighter color.  then i will need to pick out some new curtain rods and curtains.  when eric asked why we needed new curtain rods i told them because they were the curtain rods of the previous owners, those curtain rods have witnessed more than i would like to think about, so we should get some new ones.  maybe i will look at the pinterest and see if there is someway to re-fashion (my new word i will reuse for everything now) them. and lastly i will pick out new curtains.  ours are too short, although on purpose to keep the cat hairs off of the bottoms, but whatever.  curtains are damn expensive tho!  lastly i'll replace the 10+ year old duvet cover.  and then even more someday, we (Eric) will replace the windows in there.
oooh!!  i just convinced seamus to go take some before photos for me although she is a little bothered that there are some paint samples on the wall so its not truly a before photo.  i am more bothered by how the room is so messy with construction equipment and cat trees and the bed not made, etc.
ooh, eric just went up the stairs with all the drop cloths!  how exciting!!!

omagosh!!!  just had to log back in and mention how thanks to pinterest i also organized the linen closet!  totally forgot about that one until i went right in there to put something away.
oh, and also thanks to pinterest i picked out my super short, pixiesque pre-radiation hairs!!

PBS-PR

I have now done 2 5ks since surgery.  Each one has been a new PR in my Post Brain Surgery world; therefore, referred to as PBS-PR.
last week i did the See Jane Run 5k.  The LUNA Chix were there cheering and a few of us did the race.  I thought the flat course and invaluable team support would be a great opportunity to try out my 5k legs!
so lavonne and i raced together.  it was her first 5k since her knee surgery, so she was going to set a PKS-PR - a double win for us!  the race was fun, we chatted the whole time and it was a ton of fun!  it was fun to run through the cheer station and have the LUNA Chix hooting and hollering for us as we went by!

who knew i could jump so high?  Photo courtesy of Brightroom.com

 then this week, a few big things happened.  for one, i organized our closet!  oh my gosh!!  i am so happy to have such a wonderfully organized closet!  a while back eric had put in some dividers on my shelf so my stack of pants would stop toppling over onto my stack of sweatshirts which  could then stop toppling over onto my stack of shorts and random articles of clothing that i would toss up there.  once these dividers were in there (thanks pinterest for the idea!!!) i was soo happy!  organization was happening and my organization juices started to flow!  so we headed to the home depot and picked out a closet organizer unit thing.  two columns of shelves, with a hanging rod between them on top and a 2 level shoe rack and two wire basket like drawers underneath.  this was mostly inspired by my workout gear.  i had always kept it all organized in bags that i would hang on any door knob i could find.  i had my swim bag, my warm weather clycing gear, my cold weather clycing gear and then random running and other crap in a 4th bag.  eric HATED my organization system but it was easy, didn't require folding and i could always find what i was looking for.  but i secretly kind of didn't like it either.  so we spent the whole 2nd half of the day putting the unit together.  ok, so really eric put it together, which i tried really really hard to sit upright instead of lay down while watching him.  once it was built it was so exciting!  i totally reorganized everything.  things i use most often were moved into easy to access locations - what a great idea!!  oh, i love our closet now!!
so i started looking at my most recent betsey johnson acquisitions and how they were still hanging in the pink bag from the store.  oh so sad!! the store is now CLOSED.  so so SOOOOO sad!!!

this is Seamus's prom dress.  I plan to wear it at some point, too.

so the kids and i went to bed bath and beyond and picked up a few fancy garment bags.  i organized all of our "rarely worn" items.  all my Betsey Johnson dresses in one, eric's suits in another.  his dress shirts in a 3rd, my work suits - OMG - they are totally outdated!!! in another, can't beleive i used to wear those on a regular basis - now when i put them on i look like a little kid!  anyway, so much better!!
THEN another idea taken from pinterest to organize my jewelry!  i had been hanging all my necklaces on hooks, but they have been starting to overwhelm me.  especially since i during all my organizing i FOUND a bunch of necklaces from back in the day and they needed a place to go.

this is the photo from Pinterest, i used a cheezy metal curtain rod, but its in the closet and works great!

so after that visit to bed bath and beyond we went to pick up some supplies!! we were going to a BBQ and i was going to bake - thanks again to pinterest!!!
so i made THESE to take:

CARMELITAS!!!

I get them at Whole Foods all the time for lunch.  and oh they are a bit of yummy goodness.  these ones i made didn't have quite enough time to set so they were an oozy amazing mess of chocolate and caramel and omg, SOOO  good.
then I made these:

And wow!  mine did not look like this at all!  probably because we have a ghetto food processor, but they still turned out really good considering they are made of garbonzo beans!!  or chickpeas!!  or whatever you want to call them.  beans/peas, peanut butter, agave, baking powder and chocolate chips.  so yummy and the kids even liked them even though they were ewww-grossing the entire time i was making them.  yummy!!!

oh!!  but FRIDAY i went and got my hair cut!  all of them.  cut off, short like!  i've never had such short hair.  so short that i keep reaching up to take my hair out of the pony tail that isn't there.  it is so incredibly out of my way that i totally love it.  not sure i will necessarily keep it forever but at the same time wondering why i haven't done it sooner.

i don't know why it is on its side, but that is a ton of hairs. its not like my hair was even that long, and then he even cut MORE off after this bunch even!

so all of this organizing and baking and hairs cutting activity helped me face the first time through this whole thing where i was having a "poor me" moment.  all the photos and stuff from Chelan Man were getting me down a little.  I really wanted to go, and the weather looked amazing and I was thinking about that swim and how it was so nice and how that course is so fun.  then i got over it.

so i did another 5k today.  Swedish Hospital, where i had my surgery had a Summer Fun 5k Run/Walk.  LUNA was sponsoring the event, so I was given an entry and I said hey!  that would be fun!  i woke up like hours before my alarm and headed out the door.  i didn't know the course but knew all the roads right around the hospital, and then we were off.  I was talking with some volunteers before the race at registration - this one is big fundraiser for ovarian cancer, but I told them about my brains.  they said they have a brain cancer walk in september.  i don't have the brain cancer.  but i might go do it anyway.  it really is a walk though, only 1 mile long.  i guess ovarian cancer survivors are more likely to cover 3.1 miles than brain cancer survivors?  i don't know.  but i saw the volunteers i was talking to out on the course and they recognized me and cheered for me.  I had my very own cheer station!  OMG though, the whole race was uphill, and that isn't even an exaggeration even though my brains may or may not be slightly compromised.  i talked to several people after and they were also wondering how an our and back course could be uphill both ways!!  but it was fun.  i was happy with my time, took almost 6 minutes off since last week, but it was still over 3 minutes slower than my PR-PR.  it will come.  during the race i was fine but after, i swear all of the blood went right to the incision on my head because it hurt like a mo-fo.  i was pretty sure it was stretching and going to rip open, so i put on my hat and kept it on so i wouldn't squirt brains all over the LUNA people!   i checked when i got home though, and all the brains were intact!  whew!!  so i took a nap! 

yes it was a summer run and i was wearing fleece and a puffy vest!!

tomorrow I am going into work to talk to them about easing back into work.  i get so tired in the afternoons and since no one can predict how radiation will make me feel, especially come week 3, 4, 5 or possibly 6, we need to come up with a plan.  i am pretty excited about it!

radiation station

on friday we met with the other radiation oncologist, the one that will be treating me.  I went to the Swedish Cancer Institute and got my Welcome to Swedish Cancer Institute Binder and listed as the radiation oncologist kept calling the tumor a cancer.  but its not. its benign.  but the deal is that it acts malignant.  they say its aggressive and it comes back and whatever else.  not cancer.
this radiation doctor said i won't lose my hair.  when pressed he said he can't promise that i won't lose any, but he doesn't think i am going to wind up needing to shave my head.  but if i do lose my head, it will come out as a big stripe right down the middle of my head, forehead to the back and then a ring from ear to ear.  that will look nice.  i'm still going to get my hair cut super short anyway.  why the hells not.  i've always wanted to try super short hair, if it does indeed fall out, the chunks might not be so dramatic, and doing it now with the idea that it will probably not fall out seems more like it is my choice than before when the other doctor said it was definitly going to fall out.  i'm still expecting that it will fall out.
on friday after that appointment, i had my first planning session.  since thank the lawd they won't be screwing that scary halo into my head, they needed to make a mask.  the mask will hold my head in place while they shoot the beams into my head all reverse mohawk style.   to make the mask, the nice lady had me lie on the CT scanner platform bed thing.  she aligned my head perfectly "neautral" then she took this weird flat plastic thing, soaked it in some warm water then smooshed it onto my face.  it was warm and weird.  she left it there for a bit, then put some cool towels on it and then peeled it off.  then i had a CT scan and then i went home.

omg, the paleo is hanging by a thread.  well, sorta i guess.  lots of cheating!  omg, the other day i was like, i need some real food.  i want to feel full, i want to eat a lot, I want to go out to dinner and you better take me out to dinner now!  so we went and thank goodness the place we went had breakfast all day.  i had a 4 egg omelet and it was fabulous.  but oh that is not all!!  i also had the pancakes that came with it.  all giant 3 of them with butter and syrup.  omg, it was so good.  80/20.  80/20.  80/20 is totally acceptable, right?  heck, i am going to go through radiation to improve my odds to 80%, so damn right, 80/20 better be acceptable!!!
pancakes taste gewd!!!
today i had an MRI.  the last one I had was on april 27, the one that resulted in the diagnosis.  i had this one at a different hospital, and it was a much more pleasant experience!  they gave me music to listen too and they set up a mirror so i could see them out there in the control booth.  that was awesome because last time i instantly had to close my eyes because it was so freaky tight in there, but with that mirror, it totally looked wide open.  nice job with those mirrors!  the MRI went by quickly, i fell asleep twice, once before the contrast was put in and once after.  yawn.  now we wait for the radiology guy to look at the CT scan and the MRI and do some math and stuff.  and then i will get started.  yikes!

because

so i just ate two chocolate covered ice cream bars.  WHY?  because eric wouldn't go get any tequila and why the heck not.  ok, so i feel a little sick now.
but maybe because i am thinking about my appointment tomorrow.  aak!  its not going to be too much different than the appointment with the radiology people on monday but its more real, getting closer, and coming to terms with the long term side affects and what not.  and the hair.  oh, the hair.  i have been looking at the internets of some hair loss photos resulting from radiation and there are some funky hair loss patterns.
when i told my boss i was going to lose my hair, i told him it would just be in patches and not at all like his bald head.  this is totally what i get for asking him all the time if he has bad head days and if his head gets cold!  oh, its karma, i know it!!  but he shaves his head, so we discussed that maybe he will just shave it in patches.  and i have some wonderful friends and my sister who are going to cut their hairs with me!   my poor hair guy, i have booked 3 back to back appointments for next week and he is going to be bombarded!
oh, and do you want to know what is grosser than gross? so one might think that the video was gross, or maybe some of the post surgery photos.  but no, those are all unicorns and rainbows.  the other day i was like, why do i have this scab on my incision.  did it open up?  it doesn't look like its juicing or anything, what could it be.  then i got another scab like thing. this time in the part by my ear, the part that didn't close up as nice and tight as every where else.  ok, so when i went in on monday they told me what is going on!  the disolvable internal stitches are disolving and instead are working their way out!!  how gross is that?  omg, i looked at it after i washed my hair today and almost passed out.  i want to grab them and pluck them out, but considering even they weren't willing to do that when i was at the doctors, i guess its best i don't do that. nasty.
what else?  i swear something else was going on.  oh, i picked up an angry birds shirt for sirus the other day.  he has worn it the past three days in a row.  this evening i found it under the bed.  he stashed it there so he could wear it tomorrow too.  it has the angry birds playing in a rock band.  today i caught him standing in front of the full length mirror wearing it and playing the air guitar then he switched to air drums and then to air key board.  it was particularly awesome because he was making rock n' roll faces while he was doing it.
i wonder if the radiation will get rid of my zits?  dude, it better.
oh, now i remember.  turns out i still have increased growth hormone because i am a BAD ASS.  well, they don't know.  i had misunderstood the last blood test before i had surgery, the 3 hour long one.  that was a glucose tolerance test to see if i had some disease the happens when you have high growth hormone.  so, at that test i did not have that disease or disorder to whatever.  they all say they can tell by looking at me that i don't have it - it makes you have giant hands and feet, and your face can get all crazy too.  apparently both andre the giant and Abraham Lincoln had it (not gigantism).  but apparently, the reason they were going all crazy with blood tests trying to figure it out before my surgery was because if you have it, then your post op care is very different.  since i don't have it, i got normal care.  i wonder what they would do differently, didn't ask that one.  so i have the increased growth hormone, which could still be residual from my extreme physical awesomeness, or it could be caused by something else.  it could also be that i have that disorder, or was developing it and it just wasn't showing on that last test yet.  at least that is what they told me today.  so they are going to keep an eye on me for that.  they are going to have to keep an eye on me anyway because of the radiation and the effect it is going to have on my pituitary gland.  just one more thing to add to the list.
while someday i may not have to worry about the actual tumor anymore, i will always have to worry about that pituitary gland.  pretty involved for a benign tumor if you ask me.
good gracious.  i asked the swim coach to shave my head when the time comes.  he said he will.

cheater

wow, that looks juicy, now doesn't it!!  that is my surgery.  good stuff, right?
i went in on monday for my post op follow up appointment.  it was much anticipated and we were there for a long time.  met with the endocrinologist.  i had a blood test.  i'll find out the results of that tomorrow.  it will tell me how my pituitary gland is doing after all of this. it will also serve as a benchmark going forward.
then met with the neurosurgeon.  he's the one who showed us the video.  he kept saying, let's watch it again!  but he spent a lot of time talking us through what was going on in there and pointed out the piece of tumor that he wasn't able to get out.  says its about the size of a grain of rice now.  i even managed to get a smile and a bit of a laugh out of him!  we had to schedule an appointment with the neuro-opthimologist (had that appointment today and my eyes are a-ok!!) so we were all standing there waiting for the patient coordinator to get off the phone.  so i was telling him how that eye doctor wasn't too amused when i asked if the tumor might be full of baby spiders.  the surgeon didn't say anything, so i went on to say how we had many conversations and laughs about how surprised he would be if he opened up the tumor and out crawled all the spiders!  to that he laughed. i wonder if now every time he opens up a tumor if he is going to be wondering what might come out! but he cleared me for all activity.  swimming, mountain biking, although he asked me to please wear a helmet!, running - anything i want to do.  he did say he didn't like the bump on my head.  he said he could fix it - would just need to peel my face off again, unscrew the plate, since i don't need the screws anymore, then they put a smooth plastic plug in the hole and then i would be good to go.  he said my skin is just so thin (is that a good thing?) that it just makes it so bumpy.  also finally got an explanation from the man himself as to why there is a dent - i guess the muscle atrophied?  he said its a chewing muscle, but hey, apparently it doesn't affect my chewing.  not one bit.
after we went to the radio surgery center.  ahh, yikes!  radiation is no laughing matter - holy crap!  lots of short term side effects, and lots of long term side effects.  5 times a week, for 6.5 weeks.  we go in on friday for another consult and then will schedule the planning session which will involve CT scan, MRI, i think they make a custom mask to hold my head down (thank goodness no pegs drilled into my skull!!!) and then who knows what else and then we'll get onto the radiating.  and my hair will fall out in chunks.  gah!  need to ask more questions about that, but the doctor we met with suggested i get my hair cut short before it starts to fall out.  so depending on how friday goes, i will schedule for next week.  i've always kind of wanted a pixie cut!
we spent the weekend in leavenworth.  it was so nice - and super hot!!!  we went on a 10 mile hike!  wow!  i was happy that i felt ok and i was in good spirits!  i did cheat on the paleo a bit.  friday we made pulled pork sliders and i totally had to have my slider on a tiny little slider bun!  the next day i had a beer!!  and strawberry tart - two pieces even!!  and corn chips! eric and i had date night monday since the kids were still at grandma and grandpa's and i had a lemon drop!! and chocolate cake with ice cream!   so a little cheating but not too bad.  could have been waay worse.  on monday though we went to a 100% organic and 100% vegan place for lunch.  it was very tricky because it had a whole section devoted to grilled cheese sandwiches.  since i was so stressed about the appointments i decided i was going to break the paleo and have a grilled cheese sandwich but thank goodness at the very last second i realized, the would not be putting real cheese on it in a vegan resturant and instead i got some spinach crepes which would still be breaking the paleo but would NOT have mystery vegan cheese product.  after we hunted and gathered some gelato.  damn it was good!

finally enjoying some sun on the 4th of july!

dopplegangers walking to the fireworks

disturbing tail end of the airplane

still trying to eat brainz

sirus asleep in the car. of course he is in his handsome pants.

vegan lunch, eric did not avoid the vegan cheese but said it was interesting

scary exam table at the radiation doctors, luckily i didn't have to sit on or in it

models with an artistic touch thanks to instagram

eric enjoying? his gelato

eyeball equipment at the neuro-opthimologist office. 

fireworks

today is july 4.  i had a talk with the kids the other day about watching the fireworks.  we have a great show here in town and this is the 5th year we have gone.  but to see it, we have to walk uphill for two miles each way.  ok, more like 1 mile uphill on the way there and then downhill on the way back.  and the previous 4 years there is a mighty ton of complaining on the walk home.  so i talked to the kids about how they weren't going to complain this year.  this year we did things a little differently.  there is a kids' play area that opens at 6, so we went at 6 and let them play for about 90 minutes.  then we headed home.  partly, to change into warm clothes, and mostly because eric had a giant pork roast on the big green egg, all slow cooking and he wanted to check on it.  so we parked near a friends house who actually lives very close to the fireworks park, but on the way to the car the first time, sirus started to complain about something.  when i asked him if he was complaining, he said no, he was just wanting to tell us something. 
after we checked on the roast and put on warmer clothes we headed back and parked near that same friends house.  ok, so the house is really like a 1/2 mile, but no hills.  but we let the kids in to the play area again until it closed at 9:30.  they were having fun and eric and i were enjoying each other's company. 
then we settled in to watch the fireworks.  while we waited for them to start sirus went on to tell us how he actually doesn't like fireworks.  they are too bright and too loud.  the first time we went, he fell asleep before they even started, the second year he turned his head away, wouldn't look and covered his ears.  the next two years he would at least watch but cover his ears.  this year, once they started, he declared that he actually likes the fireworks now.  after the show, we walked back to the car.  seamus told me how it was really hard for her to not complain, because she really wanted to.  but she stayed strong!
on the way to the fireworks, well, the first time, i decided i was going to cheat on my paleo challenge.  OOOH, but first, I made some pretty bad ass margaritas the other night - allegedly paleo friendly!  and they were delish:
1 part tequila
2 parts lemon juice, with some lime in it because i only had one lime but a ton of lemons
1 part agave whatever it is, juice, syrup, nectar?  what is it?
2 parts club soda.
shaken and poured into a pint glass over ice with a salted rim.  SO GOOD. 
but that was sort of cheating i think.
but for today, i was like, i am totally going to cheat because as i described 4th of july plans to xtie - its letting the kids play on the inflatables, watching the fireworks, eating chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwiches and then listening to the kids complain on the way back to the car.  the chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich is a TRADITION!  it had to happen.  it lived up to all my wildest expectations, too.  but then eric got an elephant ear, and i hadn't ever had one, so i was like, dude, totally paleo, its an ELEPHANT EAR.  duh.  totally hunted and gathered and it was damn tasty. 
gracious David Letterman is looking OLD. 
today it was sunny out.  its actually warm in the sun too.  so i sat out on the deck in the new chair eric got for me.  i held back and only sat out there for like 45 minutes or so but i got a little pink!  but it was deluxe having so much sun since yesterday it was FREEZING!  i wore a shirt, fleece jacket, puffy vest and puffy coat. all at the same time!  in JULY!  it got pretty cold this evening too, but it was clear and beautiful!!