today

so much excitement in my life, let me tell you what!!!
last week i had an MRI.  i mentioned that and the sinus infection.  what i didn't mention was how it was denied by my insurance company.  deemed as not medically necessary.  so my initial reaction was wow, wish i would have known that before I actually HAD the MRI.  2nd reaction was huh, maybe really who cares if i have a giant cyst growing in there caused by the radiation pressing all up in my good brain and stuff.  i guess knowing that sooner rather then later isn't a big deal.  anyway,  turns out my doctor had already done some ass kicking over the phone and got it approved, so i got another letter saying it had been approved.  i bring that up because today i had another MRI.  and the nurse told me how it had not been approved either but then they took care of it, so all is good in insurance land.  poor sirus would have had to have postponed 2nd quarter of his junior year of college if we would have had to pay for that out of pocket, holy crap!
yesterday though i was so freaking exhausted.  it was unbelievable how tired.  like, i was having a tough time driving myself to the appointment.  i fell asleep during my appppointment and then hung out in the parking lot for 20 minutes  drinking my decaf frappuccino in an attempt to see if it would give me enough energy to make it home. luckily i made it home and into bed without any major injuries to me or anyone else.  gracious.
and then today!!  so exhausted today, too!!  i went to work and was productive again!  i like that!!  but by the end i was like, dude, i am getting TIRED.  i was planning on swimming a little, but instead i got some fruit and yogurt from the whole foods, picked up two of the hats i had been checking out and then went to the hospital.  i got there 45 minutes early because i was hoping to get in an our early so i could get my doctor visit done early so i would be on time to the MRI.  they are so awesome, too.  they took me right back and then i had time to meet with the doctor.  he was super relaxed which was nice and sat in the chair next to me chatting.  we discussed how my hair started to fall out (hence the hats purchase).  he doesn't think any more will fall out while the nurse is like, yeah, once it starts, it just keeps coming out.  but she also said she doesn't think i should shave it.  says to give it more time because it might be ok.
so i asked him about what happens next.  i have 8 appointments left.  funny, when i brought it up, i was like, i am almost done!  but really i am just over 2/3rd done.  still a lot left, but getting there for sure.  so i show up for my last day, then i get kicked to the curb!  pretty much that is all.  well, i come back to talk to him in like a month and then i'll have another MRI in like 3 months.  then if everythign is good then they will kick me to the curb.  sort of.  but i'll have follow ups with the endocrinologists and eye doctor, too.  hopefully won't see the surgeon i guess unless something bad comes up, is how i understood it from this guy, but who the hell knows.  what i do know is that everyone said they will contact me when its time to come in, i do'nt have to remember diddly squat.  thank goodness.
then i asked him who the hell gordon was.  he is a dosimetrist, i think.  i asked a lot of questions, like what does gordon know about tumors and specifically MY tumor.  the doctor was funny, he was like, well gordon is a really smart guy so he knows what is up, but he actually doesn't really need to know anything about tumors.  he just needs to know who to work the programs that make the treatment plans.  the doctor tells him what the objective of the plan is and then gordon goes at it.  they go over the scans and the plans and do all kinds of itterations and stuff. and then get it done.
then, i hope i didn't offend the doctor too much, but i was just like, what do YOU know about MY tumor?  he says he works with tumors from the neck up.  that isn't always the case with doctors like him tho, but because the practice has 15 doctors in it, he is able to focus on an area of interest, like the other doctors, too.  so he knows about my tumors.
so then i asked, since the room is all lead all over the place to keep the radiation in there, if they shoot the beam straight into the top of my head how does it not just keep traveling straight through my body all the way down to my feet.  not sure if he was annoyed with me by now or not, but he explained that its sort of like a bullet being shot into a wall or something, as the beam gets shot into something, it eventually loses velocity.  and that is what gordon is doing in there.  he can't get the beams to hit just the target at 100%.  he can get them to hit maybe 95%, but 5% of that beam is going to hit somewhere else on its way to the target, or on its way on the other side of the target.  in some cases its 80-20, 60-40, etc.  but gordon figures out how to minimize those %s that are outside of the target.
again, i maybe be totally wrong about all of this.  but its sorta how i interpreted what he wsa saying.  \
then the doctor was going on about how advanced technology is these days and how radiation is so much better then it was in the 80s. and how really there was a steep increase of advancements in technology moving up to about 2005 and since then it has sorta leveled off.  of course i asked why, and he said its driven by the private sector and computers. he says there hasn't been a ton of advancement in the computer systems that drive these crazy machines.  then of course, i am like yeah, well, in 2026, we're all going to be sitting here saying oh, silly 2012!!  how naive we were back then and how technology has advanced so much.  he laughed.
then i wanted to know how old he is.  i'm not sure he is older then me.  gonna have to find that out.  just tried a google search and was not successful.
so after all that i ate a pint of ben and jerry's chunky monkey - kill me know, and took a 3hr nap.  good gracious.  there is a reason why my belly is in its own zip code these days.  sheesh!  but again today i am like what the hell am i trying to do.  i am so tired.  i could at least TRY to make healthy choices.  right?  virtually impossible right now.  
on monday D'Ann Arthur stayed with us.  she is a pro ITU racer.  she was racing in canada but had flown in and out of seatac airport.  she was super nice and tolerated us quite well it seemed.  she went out to dinner with me, janet and the swim coach and liz.  she told us some racing stories and she is in med school (fast AND smart!!!) so she told us some stories about that.  in the morning i took her to the pool.  i walked on the treadmill, the thot of a run about made me fall asleep and then i layed on the mat for a while then went and watched her swim.  she is fast.  wow, it was interesting to watch her, she just swam along but of course i timed her and she she was doing her cool down at a 1:20 pace.  what is that??  then she and eric went for a bike ride all around town.  he took her up too many hills for her easy spin kind of day but he said she is fit, she can handle it!  then she packed up and went home.  this weekend she is racing in chicago!  gotta check that out!  then in september she is headed to france for the world duathlon championships!  she won elite nationals earlier this year, so it will be super exciting for her and we can't wait to cheer her on!