i opened my eyes!!

so today, i kept my eyes open!!  today's appointment was a little shorter than normal.  this was #7.
it was shorter because they didn't need to take any xrays.  they take the xrays to make sure things are lined up, but they have been so consistent with my lining up that now apparently they will go to just once a week.  but, i have an MRI after monday's appointment.  if they find anything on the MRI then they will do a whole series of xrays again to realign me.  what might they find on the MRI?  the tumor growing back, or possibly an inactive cyst caused by the radiation, or hopefully they won't find anything.  they might find the missing baby spiders, too.  but i bet they have evacuated by now.  but today, i kept my eyes open when the radiator circled over my head.  i watched as the little thing inside changed shapes and it was shooting radiation right into my noggin.  my eyes did not burn and nothing exploded but it is still weird because other then the buzzing noise it makes when its shooting the waves out, that hole with the light looks no different.
on tuesday i had a little break down at the doctors.  turns out tuesdays are doctor days, which means i will meet with the doctor every tuesday.  my doctor was on vacation i guess, so i met with a different guy.  my stomach has really been bothering me so we talked about that quite a bit.  he asked me about it, when it happens, what it feels like, etc.  then he pressed on my stomach and then asked me how i was feeling about this whole situation.
so i told him how the surgery was fine.  it happened so fast and then after i was getting better every day.  i was excited to start exercising again and looking forward to going back to work.  but then this radiation things is kicking my ass.  its making me tired and making me feel icky and making my stomach hurt.  this is kind of when the tears started.  i told him how i didn't want to come there and how it bothers me that i just lay there listening to the noises and looking at the lights and its impossible to tell or even feel like its helping since i am just feeling worse and how the whole radiation situation makes me feel like a sick person, like there really is something wrong with me, how i am just going to get sicker before i get better and how i don't want to go to work after all because i don't know if i will be able to last.  then i told him how i just want to know if my hair is going to fall out.  the first doctor was just like - you will be bald.  the 2nd doctor was like - you probably won't lose any hairs.  this doctor was like - hmm, well, probably somewhere in between that.  and then he went on to acknowledge that it is hard to deal with since there are so many unknowns.  but he was like, i have to come there, i have to have the treatment or the tumor will grow back.
i've just been feeling sorry for myself, some of it is totally brought on i think by how well my surgery went and how quickly i was able recover from that.  i've been so lucky that i haven't had to deal with any real set backs, so dealing with this crappy feeling now is new to me.  it will get better, i am almost 1/3 of the way through, its all going to be fine.
long story short, he thinks the stomach problem is stress related.  i could see that.  he says if its not stress, it could be my gallbladder.   if it is my gallbladder, then it is totally unrelated to the tumor and the radiation, just a total coincidence.  so i am taking the prilosec hoping that will help.

what else, so today i ran on the treadmill at the gym.  then i stretched and fell asleep face down on the mat.  luckily i was on a towel.  omg, could you imagine if i had drooled all over the mat and then had my face stick to it.  gross!!  when i woke up, i was like, good lord, so i got up and went and rested on one of the lounge chairs by the pool.  then i went for the treatment then came home and slept for an hour.  oh i am tired!!