#1 of 29

today was the first day of radiation.  but first!!!  i went swimming.  the 2nd swim since surgery, since before surgery, since April 26!!  thats like 3 months!!!  yikes!  it was slow and it wasn't very far BUT!  i didn't wear a swim cap and it was AMAZING!!  wow, swimming without one is so much better, it feels so nice.  i might keep my hair short for that reason alone!!!
after eric and the kids took me to the hospital and dropped me off at the oncology place.  i checked in and the front desk lady too me right back.  she showed my the routine - what i will do every weekday for the next 29 days (except labor day, i get that day off).  but you come in, walk right back, scan the card with the bar code that they gave me that tells them I am there then i sit and wait.  today i waited in that special room for a bit, looking over the daunting schedule of 29 treatments plus 3 MRIs, and then also the sheet of radiation side effects and how to take care of my head / hair / skin.  they had given that to me before, and i read it before, but something about sitting there at that very moment, not knowing what was actually going to happen really started to scare me.  i was more scared than when i was being wheeled into that elevator headed to the basement for surgery!
they eventually came to get me and we went into the control room. they showed me the computer stuff and the tv screens they use to watch me the whole time.  then we went into the treatment room.  I had been thinking of my friend kate who has been sharing her own radiation stories with me. she is a breast cancer survivor, and although her situation was different, I have really appreciated her perspective and all of the information she has shared with me.  she had told me how afraid she was when she went to radiation for the first few times, but she was brave, so i could be brave too.  but that didnt stop me from gasping and almost passing out when i first saw the machine and was like holy shit!!!  this is crazy!!

the room was so big and scary!  and empty!  why was it so empty?

 then i laid on the bed thing.  well i guess its a table.  it is FLAT, flatter then flat.  it is not comfortable and they bind your feet with a giant rubber band which is funny and weird.  then they put on my mask!

that is me with a reservoir tip on my nose!

 then a bunch of stuff started happening, not fast but a lot.  the table went up, the radiation give came down.  then they took a bunch of xrays to make sure everything was lined up.  from what i could tell they took 6.  while i was laying there while they were doing all that stuff was really when through this whole experience, i was like oh shit!!  am i a sick person?  this is a big deal, there is really something wrong in my head!  and i almost started to cry.  but then i noticed the music playing and the design on the ceiling and i started to think of the nice people who were getting me all set up wondering how they learn to do what they do and if it is hard and if they like it.

who's got two thumbs, a mask on her face and is ready to get radiated?  this girl!

after the 6 xrays and some minor adjustments to stuff they got started with the treatments.  in the above photo, that thing above my head and the thing below my head rotate.  so it went from like ear to ear, across my forehead?  or maybe through the back of my head, i don't know.  then the table turned counter clockwise 90 degrees and the thing rotated again, from like the middle of my forehead to the back of my head.  all of that took like 20 seconds, no kidding.  it made super cool sounds, too.  it made me think of the shows we watched a long time ago as kids that explained how they did all the special effects for the starwars movies and how the sounds guy would go around recording all kinds of things like trucks driving by, metal stamping machines, whatever.  but that radiation machine sounded way cool. 
i was explaining to someone how the tumor is benign and how it won't spread to other parts of my body or other parts of my brain.  but really how it will just always be a pain in my figurative ass, and never in my literal ass.  i made myself laugh with that one!

another less blurry self portrait of my short hair, with a cheezy smile.

 yesterday i had a big surprise. one right after the other, janet, xtie and lavonne all showed up with super short hairs!!  allie had gotten her hairs super short even before me, but all of them did it to support me in my potential baldness and i love them for it!  i loved them even if they would have kept their hairs long, but i cannot express how awesome it is of them!  they all look super cute, too!!

Sirus's dixie cup boat floating in the sink

seamus and sirus and fuzy helping eric paint!

pinterest will be the death of me!

this is my Thanks to Pinterest list:
I have baked cookies with chickpeas as the main ingredient
I have made Carmelitas
I have created a great necklace organizer for in my closet
I have (well, Eric has) built awesome clothing dividers on the top shelf in our closet
I have (again, Eric has) built us an awesome closet unit that is so bad ass it has totally changes my outlook on life
I re-fashioned some wide leg jeans into skinny leg jeans
I have realized i do not own nearly enough infinity scarves or tall boots to be fashionable

and most recently, although all of the above things have been in like the last week, despite spending a good week or more early in my recovery with my main source of entertainment being to just stare at the blank white wall in our bedroom,  I have decided that we need some paint on those walls and some new lighting.  So right this very instant Eric is up in the attic clearing away insulation, getting ready to install some new lights!!  Right now the only light we have in there is an ugly ceiling fan light.  oh i should take a before photo, but i am lazy so i won't.  so he is putting in some recessed lights and then we will swap out the fan for one that is not so damn ugly and does not have the lights.  then he will paint two of the walls "manor house" i think it is called and leave the other two the lighter color.  then i will need to pick out some new curtain rods and curtains.  when eric asked why we needed new curtain rods i told them because they were the curtain rods of the previous owners, those curtain rods have witnessed more than i would like to think about, so we should get some new ones.  maybe i will look at the pinterest and see if there is someway to re-fashion (my new word i will reuse for everything now) them. and lastly i will pick out new curtains.  ours are too short, although on purpose to keep the cat hairs off of the bottoms, but whatever.  curtains are damn expensive tho!  lastly i'll replace the 10+ year old duvet cover.  and then even more someday, we (Eric) will replace the windows in there.
oooh!!  i just convinced seamus to go take some before photos for me although she is a little bothered that there are some paint samples on the wall so its not truly a before photo.  i am more bothered by how the room is so messy with construction equipment and cat trees and the bed not made, etc.
ooh, eric just went up the stairs with all the drop cloths!  how exciting!!!

omagosh!!!  just had to log back in and mention how thanks to pinterest i also organized the linen closet!  totally forgot about that one until i went right in there to put something away.
oh, and also thanks to pinterest i picked out my super short, pixiesque pre-radiation hairs!!

PBS-PR

I have now done 2 5ks since surgery.  Each one has been a new PR in my Post Brain Surgery world; therefore, referred to as PBS-PR.
last week i did the See Jane Run 5k.  The LUNA Chix were there cheering and a few of us did the race.  I thought the flat course and invaluable team support would be a great opportunity to try out my 5k legs!
so lavonne and i raced together.  it was her first 5k since her knee surgery, so she was going to set a PKS-PR - a double win for us!  the race was fun, we chatted the whole time and it was a ton of fun!  it was fun to run through the cheer station and have the LUNA Chix hooting and hollering for us as we went by!

who knew i could jump so high?  Photo courtesy of Brightroom.com

 then this week, a few big things happened.  for one, i organized our closet!  oh my gosh!!  i am so happy to have such a wonderfully organized closet!  a while back eric had put in some dividers on my shelf so my stack of pants would stop toppling over onto my stack of sweatshirts which  could then stop toppling over onto my stack of shorts and random articles of clothing that i would toss up there.  once these dividers were in there (thanks pinterest for the idea!!!) i was soo happy!  organization was happening and my organization juices started to flow!  so we headed to the home depot and picked out a closet organizer unit thing.  two columns of shelves, with a hanging rod between them on top and a 2 level shoe rack and two wire basket like drawers underneath.  this was mostly inspired by my workout gear.  i had always kept it all organized in bags that i would hang on any door knob i could find.  i had my swim bag, my warm weather clycing gear, my cold weather clycing gear and then random running and other crap in a 4th bag.  eric HATED my organization system but it was easy, didn't require folding and i could always find what i was looking for.  but i secretly kind of didn't like it either.  so we spent the whole 2nd half of the day putting the unit together.  ok, so really eric put it together, which i tried really really hard to sit upright instead of lay down while watching him.  once it was built it was so exciting!  i totally reorganized everything.  things i use most often were moved into easy to access locations - what a great idea!!  oh, i love our closet now!!
so i started looking at my most recent betsey johnson acquisitions and how they were still hanging in the pink bag from the store.  oh so sad!! the store is now CLOSED.  so so SOOOOO sad!!!

this is Seamus's prom dress.  I plan to wear it at some point, too.

so the kids and i went to bed bath and beyond and picked up a few fancy garment bags.  i organized all of our "rarely worn" items.  all my Betsey Johnson dresses in one, eric's suits in another.  his dress shirts in a 3rd, my work suits - OMG - they are totally outdated!!! in another, can't beleive i used to wear those on a regular basis - now when i put them on i look like a little kid!  anyway, so much better!!
THEN another idea taken from pinterest to organize my jewelry!  i had been hanging all my necklaces on hooks, but they have been starting to overwhelm me.  especially since i during all my organizing i FOUND a bunch of necklaces from back in the day and they needed a place to go.

this is the photo from Pinterest, i used a cheezy metal curtain rod, but its in the closet and works great!

so after that visit to bed bath and beyond we went to pick up some supplies!! we were going to a BBQ and i was going to bake - thanks again to pinterest!!!
so i made THESE to take:

CARMELITAS!!!

I get them at Whole Foods all the time for lunch.  and oh they are a bit of yummy goodness.  these ones i made didn't have quite enough time to set so they were an oozy amazing mess of chocolate and caramel and omg, SOOO  good.
then I made these:

And wow!  mine did not look like this at all!  probably because we have a ghetto food processor, but they still turned out really good considering they are made of garbonzo beans!!  or chickpeas!!  or whatever you want to call them.  beans/peas, peanut butter, agave, baking powder and chocolate chips.  so yummy and the kids even liked them even though they were ewww-grossing the entire time i was making them.  yummy!!!

oh!!  but FRIDAY i went and got my hair cut!  all of them.  cut off, short like!  i've never had such short hair.  so short that i keep reaching up to take my hair out of the pony tail that isn't there.  it is so incredibly out of my way that i totally love it.  not sure i will necessarily keep it forever but at the same time wondering why i haven't done it sooner.

i don't know why it is on its side, but that is a ton of hairs. its not like my hair was even that long, and then he even cut MORE off after this bunch even!

so all of this organizing and baking and hairs cutting activity helped me face the first time through this whole thing where i was having a "poor me" moment.  all the photos and stuff from Chelan Man were getting me down a little.  I really wanted to go, and the weather looked amazing and I was thinking about that swim and how it was so nice and how that course is so fun.  then i got over it.

so i did another 5k today.  Swedish Hospital, where i had my surgery had a Summer Fun 5k Run/Walk.  LUNA was sponsoring the event, so I was given an entry and I said hey!  that would be fun!  i woke up like hours before my alarm and headed out the door.  i didn't know the course but knew all the roads right around the hospital, and then we were off.  I was talking with some volunteers before the race at registration - this one is big fundraiser for ovarian cancer, but I told them about my brains.  they said they have a brain cancer walk in september.  i don't have the brain cancer.  but i might go do it anyway.  it really is a walk though, only 1 mile long.  i guess ovarian cancer survivors are more likely to cover 3.1 miles than brain cancer survivors?  i don't know.  but i saw the volunteers i was talking to out on the course and they recognized me and cheered for me.  I had my very own cheer station!  OMG though, the whole race was uphill, and that isn't even an exaggeration even though my brains may or may not be slightly compromised.  i talked to several people after and they were also wondering how an our and back course could be uphill both ways!!  but it was fun.  i was happy with my time, took almost 6 minutes off since last week, but it was still over 3 minutes slower than my PR-PR.  it will come.  during the race i was fine but after, i swear all of the blood went right to the incision on my head because it hurt like a mo-fo.  i was pretty sure it was stretching and going to rip open, so i put on my hat and kept it on so i wouldn't squirt brains all over the LUNA people!   i checked when i got home though, and all the brains were intact!  whew!!  so i took a nap! 

yes it was a summer run and i was wearing fleece and a puffy vest!!

tomorrow I am going into work to talk to them about easing back into work.  i get so tired in the afternoons and since no one can predict how radiation will make me feel, especially come week 3, 4, 5 or possibly 6, we need to come up with a plan.  i am pretty excited about it!

radiation station

on friday we met with the other radiation oncologist, the one that will be treating me.  I went to the Swedish Cancer Institute and got my Welcome to Swedish Cancer Institute Binder and listed as the radiation oncologist kept calling the tumor a cancer.  but its not. its benign.  but the deal is that it acts malignant.  they say its aggressive and it comes back and whatever else.  not cancer.
this radiation doctor said i won't lose my hair.  when pressed he said he can't promise that i won't lose any, but he doesn't think i am going to wind up needing to shave my head.  but if i do lose my head, it will come out as a big stripe right down the middle of my head, forehead to the back and then a ring from ear to ear.  that will look nice.  i'm still going to get my hair cut super short anyway.  why the hells not.  i've always wanted to try super short hair, if it does indeed fall out, the chunks might not be so dramatic, and doing it now with the idea that it will probably not fall out seems more like it is my choice than before when the other doctor said it was definitly going to fall out.  i'm still expecting that it will fall out.
on friday after that appointment, i had my first planning session.  since thank the lawd they won't be screwing that scary halo into my head, they needed to make a mask.  the mask will hold my head in place while they shoot the beams into my head all reverse mohawk style.   to make the mask, the nice lady had me lie on the CT scanner platform bed thing.  she aligned my head perfectly "neautral" then she took this weird flat plastic thing, soaked it in some warm water then smooshed it onto my face.  it was warm and weird.  she left it there for a bit, then put some cool towels on it and then peeled it off.  then i had a CT scan and then i went home.

omg, the paleo is hanging by a thread.  well, sorta i guess.  lots of cheating!  omg, the other day i was like, i need some real food.  i want to feel full, i want to eat a lot, I want to go out to dinner and you better take me out to dinner now!  so we went and thank goodness the place we went had breakfast all day.  i had a 4 egg omelet and it was fabulous.  but oh that is not all!!  i also had the pancakes that came with it.  all giant 3 of them with butter and syrup.  omg, it was so good.  80/20.  80/20.  80/20 is totally acceptable, right?  heck, i am going to go through radiation to improve my odds to 80%, so damn right, 80/20 better be acceptable!!!
pancakes taste gewd!!!
today i had an MRI.  the last one I had was on april 27, the one that resulted in the diagnosis.  i had this one at a different hospital, and it was a much more pleasant experience!  they gave me music to listen too and they set up a mirror so i could see them out there in the control booth.  that was awesome because last time i instantly had to close my eyes because it was so freaky tight in there, but with that mirror, it totally looked wide open.  nice job with those mirrors!  the MRI went by quickly, i fell asleep twice, once before the contrast was put in and once after.  yawn.  now we wait for the radiology guy to look at the CT scan and the MRI and do some math and stuff.  and then i will get started.  yikes!

because

so i just ate two chocolate covered ice cream bars.  WHY?  because eric wouldn't go get any tequila and why the heck not.  ok, so i feel a little sick now.
but maybe because i am thinking about my appointment tomorrow.  aak!  its not going to be too much different than the appointment with the radiology people on monday but its more real, getting closer, and coming to terms with the long term side affects and what not.  and the hair.  oh, the hair.  i have been looking at the internets of some hair loss photos resulting from radiation and there are some funky hair loss patterns.
when i told my boss i was going to lose my hair, i told him it would just be in patches and not at all like his bald head.  this is totally what i get for asking him all the time if he has bad head days and if his head gets cold!  oh, its karma, i know it!!  but he shaves his head, so we discussed that maybe he will just shave it in patches.  and i have some wonderful friends and my sister who are going to cut their hairs with me!   my poor hair guy, i have booked 3 back to back appointments for next week and he is going to be bombarded!
oh, and do you want to know what is grosser than gross? so one might think that the video was gross, or maybe some of the post surgery photos.  but no, those are all unicorns and rainbows.  the other day i was like, why do i have this scab on my incision.  did it open up?  it doesn't look like its juicing or anything, what could it be.  then i got another scab like thing. this time in the part by my ear, the part that didn't close up as nice and tight as every where else.  ok, so when i went in on monday they told me what is going on!  the disolvable internal stitches are disolving and instead are working their way out!!  how gross is that?  omg, i looked at it after i washed my hair today and almost passed out.  i want to grab them and pluck them out, but considering even they weren't willing to do that when i was at the doctors, i guess its best i don't do that. nasty.
what else?  i swear something else was going on.  oh, i picked up an angry birds shirt for sirus the other day.  he has worn it the past three days in a row.  this evening i found it under the bed.  he stashed it there so he could wear it tomorrow too.  it has the angry birds playing in a rock band.  today i caught him standing in front of the full length mirror wearing it and playing the air guitar then he switched to air drums and then to air key board.  it was particularly awesome because he was making rock n' roll faces while he was doing it.
i wonder if the radiation will get rid of my zits?  dude, it better.
oh, now i remember.  turns out i still have increased growth hormone because i am a BAD ASS.  well, they don't know.  i had misunderstood the last blood test before i had surgery, the 3 hour long one.  that was a glucose tolerance test to see if i had some disease the happens when you have high growth hormone.  so, at that test i did not have that disease or disorder to whatever.  they all say they can tell by looking at me that i don't have it - it makes you have giant hands and feet, and your face can get all crazy too.  apparently both andre the giant and Abraham Lincoln had it (not gigantism).  but apparently, the reason they were going all crazy with blood tests trying to figure it out before my surgery was because if you have it, then your post op care is very different.  since i don't have it, i got normal care.  i wonder what they would do differently, didn't ask that one.  so i have the increased growth hormone, which could still be residual from my extreme physical awesomeness, or it could be caused by something else.  it could also be that i have that disorder, or was developing it and it just wasn't showing on that last test yet.  at least that is what they told me today.  so they are going to keep an eye on me for that.  they are going to have to keep an eye on me anyway because of the radiation and the effect it is going to have on my pituitary gland.  just one more thing to add to the list.
while someday i may not have to worry about the actual tumor anymore, i will always have to worry about that pituitary gland.  pretty involved for a benign tumor if you ask me.
good gracious.  i asked the swim coach to shave my head when the time comes.  he said he will.

cheater

wow, that looks juicy, now doesn't it!!  that is my surgery.  good stuff, right?
i went in on monday for my post op follow up appointment.  it was much anticipated and we were there for a long time.  met with the endocrinologist.  i had a blood test.  i'll find out the results of that tomorrow.  it will tell me how my pituitary gland is doing after all of this. it will also serve as a benchmark going forward.
then met with the neurosurgeon.  he's the one who showed us the video.  he kept saying, let's watch it again!  but he spent a lot of time talking us through what was going on in there and pointed out the piece of tumor that he wasn't able to get out.  says its about the size of a grain of rice now.  i even managed to get a smile and a bit of a laugh out of him!  we had to schedule an appointment with the neuro-opthimologist (had that appointment today and my eyes are a-ok!!) so we were all standing there waiting for the patient coordinator to get off the phone.  so i was telling him how that eye doctor wasn't too amused when i asked if the tumor might be full of baby spiders.  the surgeon didn't say anything, so i went on to say how we had many conversations and laughs about how surprised he would be if he opened up the tumor and out crawled all the spiders!  to that he laughed. i wonder if now every time he opens up a tumor if he is going to be wondering what might come out! but he cleared me for all activity.  swimming, mountain biking, although he asked me to please wear a helmet!, running - anything i want to do.  he did say he didn't like the bump on my head.  he said he could fix it - would just need to peel my face off again, unscrew the plate, since i don't need the screws anymore, then they put a smooth plastic plug in the hole and then i would be good to go.  he said my skin is just so thin (is that a good thing?) that it just makes it so bumpy.  also finally got an explanation from the man himself as to why there is a dent - i guess the muscle atrophied?  he said its a chewing muscle, but hey, apparently it doesn't affect my chewing.  not one bit.
after we went to the radio surgery center.  ahh, yikes!  radiation is no laughing matter - holy crap!  lots of short term side effects, and lots of long term side effects.  5 times a week, for 6.5 weeks.  we go in on friday for another consult and then will schedule the planning session which will involve CT scan, MRI, i think they make a custom mask to hold my head down (thank goodness no pegs drilled into my skull!!!) and then who knows what else and then we'll get onto the radiating.  and my hair will fall out in chunks.  gah!  need to ask more questions about that, but the doctor we met with suggested i get my hair cut short before it starts to fall out.  so depending on how friday goes, i will schedule for next week.  i've always kind of wanted a pixie cut!
we spent the weekend in leavenworth.  it was so nice - and super hot!!!  we went on a 10 mile hike!  wow!  i was happy that i felt ok and i was in good spirits!  i did cheat on the paleo a bit.  friday we made pulled pork sliders and i totally had to have my slider on a tiny little slider bun!  the next day i had a beer!!  and strawberry tart - two pieces even!!  and corn chips! eric and i had date night monday since the kids were still at grandma and grandpa's and i had a lemon drop!! and chocolate cake with ice cream!   so a little cheating but not too bad.  could have been waay worse.  on monday though we went to a 100% organic and 100% vegan place for lunch.  it was very tricky because it had a whole section devoted to grilled cheese sandwiches.  since i was so stressed about the appointments i decided i was going to break the paleo and have a grilled cheese sandwich but thank goodness at the very last second i realized, the would not be putting real cheese on it in a vegan resturant and instead i got some spinach crepes which would still be breaking the paleo but would NOT have mystery vegan cheese product.  after we hunted and gathered some gelato.  damn it was good!

finally enjoying some sun on the 4th of july!

dopplegangers walking to the fireworks

disturbing tail end of the airplane

still trying to eat brainz

sirus asleep in the car. of course he is in his handsome pants.

vegan lunch, eric did not avoid the vegan cheese but said it was interesting

scary exam table at the radiation doctors, luckily i didn't have to sit on or in it

models with an artistic touch thanks to instagram

eric enjoying? his gelato

eyeball equipment at the neuro-opthimologist office. 

fireworks

today is july 4.  i had a talk with the kids the other day about watching the fireworks.  we have a great show here in town and this is the 5th year we have gone.  but to see it, we have to walk uphill for two miles each way.  ok, more like 1 mile uphill on the way there and then downhill on the way back.  and the previous 4 years there is a mighty ton of complaining on the walk home.  so i talked to the kids about how they weren't going to complain this year.  this year we did things a little differently.  there is a kids' play area that opens at 6, so we went at 6 and let them play for about 90 minutes.  then we headed home.  partly, to change into warm clothes, and mostly because eric had a giant pork roast on the big green egg, all slow cooking and he wanted to check on it.  so we parked near a friends house who actually lives very close to the fireworks park, but on the way to the car the first time, sirus started to complain about something.  when i asked him if he was complaining, he said no, he was just wanting to tell us something. 
after we checked on the roast and put on warmer clothes we headed back and parked near that same friends house.  ok, so the house is really like a 1/2 mile, but no hills.  but we let the kids in to the play area again until it closed at 9:30.  they were having fun and eric and i were enjoying each other's company. 
then we settled in to watch the fireworks.  while we waited for them to start sirus went on to tell us how he actually doesn't like fireworks.  they are too bright and too loud.  the first time we went, he fell asleep before they even started, the second year he turned his head away, wouldn't look and covered his ears.  the next two years he would at least watch but cover his ears.  this year, once they started, he declared that he actually likes the fireworks now.  after the show, we walked back to the car.  seamus told me how it was really hard for her to not complain, because she really wanted to.  but she stayed strong!
on the way to the fireworks, well, the first time, i decided i was going to cheat on my paleo challenge.  OOOH, but first, I made some pretty bad ass margaritas the other night - allegedly paleo friendly!  and they were delish:
1 part tequila
2 parts lemon juice, with some lime in it because i only had one lime but a ton of lemons
1 part agave whatever it is, juice, syrup, nectar?  what is it?
2 parts club soda.
shaken and poured into a pint glass over ice with a salted rim.  SO GOOD. 
but that was sort of cheating i think.
but for today, i was like, i am totally going to cheat because as i described 4th of july plans to xtie - its letting the kids play on the inflatables, watching the fireworks, eating chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwiches and then listening to the kids complain on the way back to the car.  the chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich is a TRADITION!  it had to happen.  it lived up to all my wildest expectations, too.  but then eric got an elephant ear, and i hadn't ever had one, so i was like, dude, totally paleo, its an ELEPHANT EAR.  duh.  totally hunted and gathered and it was damn tasty. 
gracious David Letterman is looking OLD. 
today it was sunny out.  its actually warm in the sun too.  so i sat out on the deck in the new chair eric got for me.  i held back and only sat out there for like 45 minutes or so but i got a little pink!  but it was deluxe having so much sun since yesterday it was FREEZING!  i wore a shirt, fleece jacket, puffy vest and puffy coat. all at the same time!  in JULY!  it got pretty cold this evening too, but it was clear and beautiful!!

6 weeks + 1 day

its been 6 weeks and a day since my surgery.  i have yet to cry or break down over the whole thing.  there have been times when i have been on the verge and even last night i was looking at some photos eric had taken when i had just come out of surgery that i hadn't seen before and i almost started to cry looking at them, but really, i don't have any reason to cry.  i feel good, i am getting better every day, i can see again - really i am very very lucky.  i have had the best possible 6 weeks with the kids, the first time in a long time that i have been able to actually slow down with no work and no training, to just look at them when they are taking, let them explain things to me at their pace and get to spend some real quality time with them.  every once in a while, they will still hug me and tell me they hope I am feeling better and every once in a while when i forget something or am a little absent minded, seamus is the first to say, its ok mom, its probably the tumor.  ha!
almost two weeks ago i started a paleo challenge.  it is no secret that i am the queen of eating crap.  its like, if i don't eat crap, i get sick, or something.  but some friends were doing it and i thot hey, why not.  i took the paleo approach of if the cavemen ate it, i'll eat it.  so very basic - no dairy, no added sugar and no grains.
i have been having such banned substances as sugar snap peas, yellow and orange sweet peppers, and tomatoes.  ???  apparently in some paleo circles, those are not ok.  oh, i've had the cocoa powder, too, making the most (?) delicious sorta chocolate cake stuff.  i like it, seamus loves it, sirus says its not bad. eric wants to know what the big turd in the fridge is.  but i have been doing quite well with it all.  probably a little heavy on the fruits, a little light on the protein.  but trying.  but today was tough.  after managing to avoid the most amazing looking Kraft mac & cheese and eric's margarita (although tequila is considered paleo??  who knew!) last night, it was Yo Plateau that did me in!  I went and hunted and gathered some banana and peach flavored frozen yogurt.  And then i hunted and gathered some chocolate chips and chocolate sauce.  i did put pecans and strawberries on there, but that really didn't do anything to negate the graham crackers that i had trapped out in the woods and put on there either.  whatever.  it was good.  80/20, right?  i was eventually going to start hunting and gathering clif shots, mojo bars and chili anyway.
BUUUUT, now that i am all paleo i got a totally gross rash.  yes, internet, i am telling you this.  i thot it was just zits.  yes, internets - zits.  but after a few friends took a little looksie, they were like, nope, rash.  now, after i got out of the hospital i had some really bad skin problems.  well, duh, that totally made sense considering i didn't shower for 80 days and i was pumped so full of all kinds of toxins so I wasn't totally surprised that i wound up with some grody skin for a bit.  i'd say it got mostly better but never 100%, but then this whole, i am going to be all healthy thing happened and it got bad again, but its a rash.  so i decided it must be either all the nuts, almonds specifically or maybe the balsamic vinegarette.  a year or two ago i had having lots of salads and putting the oil and vinegar on them.  every day, sometimes twice a day.  then i said, who needs this oil crap, lets just do the vinegar.  and then i started getting giant welts on me.  i was convinced it was from the salad greens.  damn leafy greens!!!  but allie said, uh, probably not the case.  more likely the vinegarette.  so i cut out the vinegar and went to just oil.  things got better then i got off that whole salad kick and moved on to poptarts.  so this rash thing, i cut out the vinegar since again i was having it every day.  but i also cut out the nuts.  the almonds may be the culprit since i went from having them once a month or so to every day in the almond butter, just normal almonds, and almond milk.  i also was having pecans and walnuts, too.  i normally don't have any reactions to nuts but i normally don't eat a shit ton of them in a day either.  so after like 2 days of no vinegar and no nuts (that is a lie - i had a lara bar today and it had almonds in it and yesterday i had some of the paleo chocolate cake and it had walnuts in it and i put pecans on my yo plateau) i have no knew breakouts or welts.  i am going to try to go easy on the nuts still for the next few days but continue to cut out the vinegar.  fingers crossed - its gross!  there ya go internets!!
but today i took a nap. i was tired.  i was drifting in and out when sirus came up and told me he didn't know what to do so i suggested that he come and nap with me!  and he DID!  usually he is just like, no that is ok, or he will crawl in and then crawl out real quick, but he cuddled right up and passed out.  it was heaven!!

tired

so the other night i was super tired.  i had two bad nights of sleep.  one was friday night when eric was out of town at a mountain bike race.  ooooh, it was my first over nighter on my own since surgery.  i was pretty sure i could handle it.  he asked if i was going to have the kids sleep in my bed with me and even though that is what i always do when he is gone (although sirus usually opts for his own bed instead) the thought hadn't occurred to me.  both of them wanted to sleep in there with me which was great until i decided to go to bed and became instantly afraid that seamus would hit me in the head or face accidentally while she was asleep.
and to make it even better, as the night progressed, sirus moved into the middle pushing seamus even further onto my side of the bed and the cats all slept at the foot as usually.  it was a crowded and i sure didn't sleep very well.
the next night eric was back, but i slept horrible again.  non stop up, down, rolling over, my foot hurts, my leg hurts,my wrists hurt.  oh it was never ending.
so sirus is a funny guy.  he has a funny way of communicating too.  for instance, instead of saying "that's right" he will say "that is correct".  not a big deal but funny to hear from a little guy.
one of the things he says over and over, more along the lines of how some people say, "um" or "like", kind of as filler, he will say "want me to tell you something?"  he will say it 100 times in one conversation.  it gets a little overwhelming.  and then one of his new ones is he will say "and PS" and then say one last thing before running off.  what a guy.
as for my noggin, nothing new to report as of right now.  my appointment was rescheduled for july 9.  because of this, i totally tried to get them to give me the clifs notes version of what is going to happen but they would have none of that.  so now i am waiting.  and to say i'm not terrified is an understatement.  i got myself all worked up into a tizzy by "researching" on the interwebs.  gah!!! 
and PS - sirus graduated from kindergarten!!!

caught up

ok, so after this one, i should be all caught up, to the present day.  i think maybe. after that puking/ER visit nothing else of consequence has really happened.  Although....
14 days after the surgery, i went to get the staples out.  all 29 of them!  i thot it might hurt, but it didn't.  she used some funny scissors like things and just sort of plucked them out. i kept them, my mom is going to use them as part of a necklace for me.  can you believe that in the entire Neuroscience Institute, they did not have any ziploc baggies!  no fear, we improvised and wrapped them in gauze and tied them into a rubber glove.   I did get light headed while she was taking them out and thot i might pass out so i had to lay down for a bit, but that opened up the opportunity for everyone to come look at my head.  i had a big blobby blob on my right temple.  it was totally fluid filled and gushy. it was possibly cerebral spinal fluid.  brain juice, nice, right?  they said to wear a head band, all Olivia Newton John - Lets Get Physical style to apply gentle pressure.  that actually felt awesome and i was so happy to do it, even if eric smirked at me every time he looked at me.  it worked tho!!  my blobbly blob turned into a dent!!! 
but WOW, having no staples turned me into a totally new person!  it was awesome, a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders!!  but let me tell you - grody!!  all kinds of grodiness evey time i took a shower.  all kinds of new gore and skin chunks came out each time i washed my hair.  finally though, my hands began to feel clean after shampooing tho!  there were days when i had to literally wash my hands after washing my hair!  so gross!!

so i was ok with everything for a while. week 3 happened, week 4, i spent those getting better, resting and becoming more active and reading a ton.  Allie came to visit!!!! - a topic for another post.  then i started to freak out.  no real reason, well, ok, LOTS of reasons.  my head was starting to hurt quite a bit.  i hadn't taken any pain medicine since the puking from that first weekend at home, but it wasn't in the head pain, it was on the head pain and forehead pain.  the numbness was and continues to wear off and while its happening, it hurts.  not like mega, omg, i am writhing in pain hurt, but it doesn't feel great.  like even the other day i was laying down and i rolled over and i swore i totally tore my head open.  but i didn't.  my incision looks "beautiful!"  Anyway, coupled with that, the dent, the bump, and my ever increasing anxiety about my follow up visit in July caused me to call the nurses and they told me to come in.  i'm glad i did!!
they showed me what a titanium plate looks like.  i had no idea it would be so pretty!!  i expected that little bar thing and the other double bar thing, but i didn't actually think about the giant holes they drilled.  and apparently, those holes don't close up!!!!  so they put that plate over top to protect the brains!!!  and, those neurosurgeons are so smart!!!  the plate is connected using those little screws.  they told me this is particularly helpful if they need to go back in, especially if they need to go back in right away because they just unscrew it and pop it off again!  i wondered about that because i had read so much about people having multiple surgeries and wondered how that worked. 

 so this was good to find out because it explained a bunch with my noggin. the small bump in the middle of my forehead is a plate.  the big bump on my right temple is another plate.  there might be another in there, but those two are the only ones the nurse and i were able to identify. but the big red circle is how i understand the whole bone hole situation to be.  who knows really. the arrow points to the dent.  so there is normally a muscle that runs up the side of your face and connects up on your forehead and mine has been cut and is no longer there.  so there is a dent.  and a bump.  and you can see my pulse there.  awesome.

 and so they think that my inability to move my right eyebrow and forehead is a combination of them peeling my face down, nerves being cut, that muscle being cut, ya know.  all those things.  it might get better, it might not.  it could be worse.  at least i can see again!!!  my jaw hurts on the right too, can't open my mouth all the way.  might be related...  but i am going to the dentist next week since i haven't been in over a year and for them to take a looksie at that too.

i spy Allie's latte with my new inquisitive look!

don't worry!!!  the cats keep me company!! and yes, it is JUNE and we still have flannel sheets with reindeer on the bed. 

barf bags

one of the best things about this whole tumor experience has been the discovery of the super cool barf bags!
so i posted here about my pre-surgery trip to the ER.  it is where all the fun happened.  i felt like ass and felt like i could possibly puke so they gave me a barf bag.  i did not have to puke, but instead eric took full advantage of the situation. i was totally drugged up and didn't care, but i did think it was funny.  we were there a long time, he had to entertain himself somehow!

I did use one of these barf bags RIGHT as we were leaving, like as in i stood up and lost it right into one.  we handed that over to the team jacob candy striper guy and headed to the car.  i was able to keep it together until we got home then lost it again right as we parked the car.  then i went to bed.
anyway,  ever since then i have been ooohing and aaaahing over these puke bags!  they are the most amazing inventions every, except that once you puke into them there is no way to seal them up, no way to tie them off, nothing.  so that is a flaw but other than that!  thankfully LaVonne gave me a gift wrapped up in one so i have two and i put one in each car!  but i have been vowing to get more.

so tonight i did a little googling.
MAN they are expensive!!  but more than that i don't know how i feel about them selling USED ones on the Amazon.  gross, but had i known, i wouldn't have given that one to team jacob!!  i could have gotten a few bucks for it!

 

but better than that, do you think I should submit the above image to Amazon seeing as they are asking me to share my own customer image??

 

friday - big day

after i get through this post about the big friday, actually its a big saturday, i will be mostly caught up with all the brain tumor stuff, that is until we get to july 5.  yikes!
but on this friday my mom came to visit me.  eric was heading out to race in the 24hr race and he was taking the kids.  i was in no shape to be left alone for the weekend, although i was feeling quite well.  should have known.
so it was a beautiful day.  my mom and i walked to the junior high and about 1/2 way around the track, turned around and headed home.  yay!  it was slow but it was nice to be outside when it was so nice out!
we came home, i probably napped.  i probably had some lunch.  who knows.i showered. i even shanve my legs which was a BIG DEAL since it had been a LONG TIME and i was a hairy beast. then i had some dinner.  all the girls from the LUNA team had been dropping off the most amazing meals since the surgery and for a few weeks past.  it was absolutely amazing and so generous of them!  it made everything easier and we cannot thank them enough. after dinner we went for another walk.  we walked down to this new housing development, not far at all from the house.  but we walked through it and then sat at a picnic table in their community park.  then we walked down the hill and through the trails through our neighborhood.  all the walking was helping my tail bone, oh it hurt so much!! 
but when we got home, i was like, whoa, yeah, i may have over done it. it was totally the leg shaving, i know it!! i layed on the couch,  my head kinda hurt.  i wanted to sleep but it was so early i was sure i'd never be able to nap then be able to get back to sleep for the rest of the night.  so i lay on the couch feeling a bit like arse.
all through the night i did not feel good.  not one bit.  as soon as i woke up, around 5am, i called the nurses hotline.  they were just like, dude, get yourself to the ER.  so mom and i got into the car and headed to the ER.
in my terrible state i had to give her directions, but luckily its near by and not difficult to get too.  its the same ER i went to the sunday before my surgery, no one was there when we arrived.  totally empty.  they took me right in.  again, they were all standing around, only this time i was like oh i just had a craniotomy.  again they all looked at each other and then 1/2 of them scattered and the rest went right into action.  this one nurse or whatever she was gave me and IV and wow, she totally manhandled me!  she kept telling me to relax my arm and i kept telling her she was hurting me!  she physically was pulling my arm down, i swear she was sitting on it, or leaning on it or something and it felt like she was popping that needling right through me!  gah!
then the dr came in i told him how i felt horrible and my head hurt and i felt nauseated although i hadn't puked at all. they decided to do a CT scan, which i was happy about.  the guy came to get me and was like, do you have any staples or anything and i was like yeah, and the nurse just looked at him like he was crazy.  she was like, yeah she had a craniotomy and he was like oh!  oh yes you due have staples don't you!  so he wheeled me in the bed to the CT scanner, i had to get up and move over and then i thot i was going to puke when the table moved up and into the machine and around.  then i got back onto the ER table and they took me back.  i was really not feeling well.  my poor mom, was just waiting for me the whole time in the little room.  i couldn't talk, well, i didn't want to.  i just wanted to lay there with my eyes closed and sleep.
eventually they came in and said my CT scan looked great but i had low sodium which may be what was causing some of the problems.  so they prescribed some anti-pukes and then some more pain medicine and said we could leave.  what???  i wanted to stay.  i wanted to stay until i was all better, until my brain and my head was all healed up.  but noooo, they kicked me to the curb and said leave!  go home!  call your doctor on monday.
so we left.  i heaved in the parking lot, but nothing came up.  i got in the car and we headed home.  mom found her way which was great and i was able to get into the house and up to the bathroom before the pukefest began.  and boy was it a puke fest.  but OMG!  i had never felt so amazingly well as i did once it was over.  i was like WOW!!  i feel like a million bucks!  lets go outside, lets run around!  lets go DO something.  ok, how about i go lay down for a bit.  and i did.  then a little later i got up and puked some more. and then again later.  and then again later.  we eventually got the antipuke medicine figured out and once i was taking that with just a little bit of applesauce i started to not puke so much.  thank goodness.  i was amazed at how much i was puking since i hadn't eaten or drank very much but it all kept coming.
thank goodness we got it under control.  but my poor mom!  she was amazing!  every time, she was right there with me, getting my wash clothes and water and taking such good care of me.
she got up every 4 hours through the night to help me take my anti pukes and by morning i was feeling much better but still pretty haggared.  sunday morning i weighed myself and i was down by about 5 pounds since friday morning, almost 11 pounds since my surgery.  i was weak and feeling small and frail but better than on saturday.  i stayed in bed all day.  i slept a ton.  my mom would come and hang out with me some but i was so tired i needed to sleep.  i also learned to eat everything while laying down on my side.  i ate eggs!  i ate pizza!  i ate an orange!  and a ton of applesauce.  it was so cool and wonderful with just a tiny bit of texture.  it was perfect!  i really did not want to sit up.  not at all.  my tailbone continued to hurt, and i kept saying to myself: i'd probably feel better if i sat up more.  i would sit up more if my tail bone didn't hurt so much.  my tail bone probably wouldn't hurt so much if i got up and walked around more.  i'd get up and walk around more if it didn't make me sick and want to throw up.  but before my mom left she made sure i was sitting up some.  i still didn't leave the bedroom though.  i didn't leave until probably monday afternoon!
eric and the kids came home later that night.  it was good to see them, but i was tired and didn't have much energy to be with them.  i had texted eric on saturday morning after we got back from the ER because i wanted him to know what happened but i didn't want him to come home poor guy had a 24hr race to do!  i was happy he stayed and raced.  i think it was good for him although i was worried he would come home and be totally exhausted.  but he seemed to recover pretty well and manage.  he is one impressive dude!!

tuesday, weds, thursday

oh my!  i am never going to get caught up, and so much has happened!!!
lets go back to first week back at home after surgery....  came home monday, slept.
tuesday, slept.  maybe i made it downstairs for a little bit, i really don't remember.  but i think maybe i did.
wednesday afternoon, i walked with eric and sirus to pick seamus up from school!  i didn't make it the whole way.  i stopped about 3/4s of the way and sat on a bench while eric and sirus went the rest of the way to get her.  then they stopped to pick me up and we all walked the rest of the way home.  then i went and slept for probably a few hours.  :)
the next day, thursday - one week after surgery, i walked with eric to to pick sirus up from school.  i was able to walk the whole way that time, but picking him up isn't quite as far.  it was so nice out, only a few small rain drops coming down but it was glorious!!!
i slept a ton, but sat up in bed more but my tail none was hurting like nothing i've ever felt.  then when i would shift and hang my legs off the beg my hips would do some horrible realignment and it hurt so much, i could hardly stand it.  i didn't want to get out of bed, i just wanted to lay down but i knew that was part of the problem. aaaak!!!
during all of this, i was tapering off of my brain swelling medications, too.  that was a bit scary.  how could we tell if my brain was done being swollen?  they shrunk it, then it swelled?  how would we know when it was back to normal.  but i took all my pills with the apple sauce, oooooh, i love me some applesauce through this whole experience!!
eventually i was off all the medicines and i was taking only two extra strength tylonols at night time.  i was still having the major sweats at night though.  yuck!  i'd wake up totally soaked.  while laying in bed, i could bend my knees and the sweat would just roll down my legs.  totally gross!
but i was getting better everyday!  eating a little bit more, still sleeping a ton, but up and about a bit more.
everything was looking good!!!

breakfast in bed

it has now been 3 weeks and 1 day from surgery and eric is still bringing me breakfast in bed!  i thought i would share some of the wonderful breakfasts!!

granola with WHOLE ALMONDS, frosted super mini wheats and frozen blueberries

i better not be pregnant!!  this is exactly what i ate all the time when i was pregnant with seamus

homemade blueberry pie!  with nadj looking on

eggs almost every day.  love the oranges

already ate the eggs

instagramed this breakfast!

banana bread with chocolate chips thanks to jenny!

sunday & monday

trying to get caught up!  so much happened, including a ton of laying around!
on sunday i just chilled out at the hospital.  when i woke up in the morning i felt way better.  when the surgeon came to visit me, we had a long chat and he commented on how i looked so much better!  he and i talked a long time, i asked him how they shrunk my brain.  he said they used a medication that dehydrated it, he went on to say that it kind of just shrivels up, and then he back tracked and was like, well, not really shrivel.... each time i talked with the guy i liked him more.  he said it took about an hour to get into my head like that.
christie came to visit, she visited me every day!  she had even taken off from work on thursday and friday to be at the hospital with me which i can't thank her enough for!!  she also let eric use her house, which he did often since he would go out biking or running, which was good because he needed a break from all the quiet and sitting doing nothing! 
the occupational therapist came and helped me take a shower!  it had been so long and it felt so good!!  she washed my hair for me with hospital issued shampoo and she got most of the gore out which was fantastic!!  oh, i was clean!!  i was a whole new me!!!
eric was going to go home and sleep there on sunday night.  i was ok with that and thought it was a good idea for him.  but then i got a little sad when he was actually getting ready to leave.  but that is when janet and lavonne showed up!  hooray!!  they kept me entertained for quite a while!  they got to see my butt as i climbed out of bed and they were there with the PT came to get me to walk up and down stairs.  i did so well at PT that she changed the message on by board from "husband may walk with pt on unit" to include "& friends".  but we didn't walk any once i came back to the room.
on monday i woke up feeling pretty good - it was time to go home!  eric was going to bring sirus once sirus was out of school.  i was so excited!! when they got to the hospital, sirus was being all quiet.  nothing scary was going on but he hadn't been in a hospital to visit anyone before so i think he was just absorbing it.  to lessen the shock, American Pickers was on TV so he was able to watch that, which was nice since the nurse came in to take all my IV lines out.  wow!  it was so nice to have those gone, what a pain in the arse!!
i got dressed which was awesome!!  after so many days in just a hospital gown, underpants felt amazing!!  wow!!  they truely are something great!  i put on my yoga pants and the angry birds shirt sirus gave me for my birthday.  when the lady came to take me down to the lobby, sirus was extra concerned that she brought a wheelchair.  he wasn't so sure about that.  but he walked next to me and held my hand but was still super quiet.  we stopped at the hospital pharmacy and loaded up on drugs - something to keep my brain from swelling, some sort of antacid, 3 kinds of stool softners and laxitives (no straining!!!  can't do anything that could increase intercranial pressure!!  ICP!!) some anti pukers and some pain medication.  while we were waiting for eric to get the car, sirus held my hand and told me how nice it was to hold since it was so soft!  how sweet is that??
once in the car, the drive home seemed like forever.  there wasn't any traffic but i was afraid of getting sick, afraid of getting into an accident, and frankly pretty afraid of going home.
once we got home, i went straight into bed and slept.  eventually seamus came home from school, it was so good to see her!  she and sirus were quite wound up and made a ton of noise.  they weren't being bad, they were just being kids and playing, but even with the bedroom door shut it was too much for my healing brain to handle.  even so, i was so happy to be home.  my bed was so comfortable, my pillows, my flannel sheets, my comforter!!!
oh, but the cats!!!  they did not trying to lick my incision, but they did lay all over me.  apparently they missed me and continue to show me how much they have missed me.  i even look at the bed and they are on top of me!
when it was time to go to bed for the night i will admit i was scared to have eric in the bed with me.  more than once we have accidentally hit each other in the head or face while we slept and i was scared that he might accidentally bump into my noggin.  but he didn't!  i survived my first night at home!!

saturday

when saturday finally came i was releived.  after the friday night pukarama, i was like, i have got to feel better on saturday, right?  that night made me feel very much like the first night in the hospital after we had seamus - no sleep, everytime we were about to settle down there was more chaos.  i do think it was scarier with seamus then with my head tho.  something about a tiny baby!!!

the Micro Macro Plum XL

my surgeon came to see me on saturday and i was happy to see him.  we chit chatted some and he told me about the tumor board that i was going to be part of and how they would be figuring out my treatment plan.  he said he made a video of the surgery and he had to edit it.  i wondered to myself what he used as music for it.

the Coach2 - keeping me from getting pneumonia

i don't remember too much more of the day other than asking them to please not send me home.  they said no way, so i took a sigh of relief.  they said i had another day or more to go, which i was happy to hear because i was in no way ready to go after that night, again similar to when i had the breakdown at the hospital with seamus asking them to please not make me go home yet!
this is also the day that flowers started to arrive!  so many beautiful flowers, gifts and cards came while i was in the hosptial and in the days after when i got home.  each one took me by total surprise and i could not beleive all of the generosity, kind words and thoughts from the amazing people in my life.
i spent a lot of time laying around looking at the wall.  i had them keep my door open about a foot so i could stay in touch with what was going on in the "outside world". and there was a lot going on.  so many things that i had to ask the physician's assistant what they all were.
there was a crazy loud Mary Had a Little Lamb alarm that was constantly going off.  it was so loud!!  and it seemed like it was right outside my door.  apparently some of the patients have sensors on their beds and when they start to get out of bed the alarm goes off to tell everyone!  at one point christie asked me how i knew that i didn't have the alarm on my bed!  i didn't really know!
they also called code grey in the ER a lot.  they did this so often that i had a dream about codes.  there were hundreds of colors of codes in my dream.  i think it was inspired part by the code greys but also the long row of lead vests.  but code grey means something along the lines of someone trying to leave the hospital who is not of sound mind.  why i needed to hear it on floor 5 in the east tower, i don't know.
the last alarm was one that went off when certain patients were having seizures.  i was, and continue to be very lucky that i have not had any seizures. how scary!  but the floor had an epilepsy control room, it was full of all kinds of computers.  and epilepsy patients would come to the hospital for observation, trying to have a seizure while hooked up to everything so that the doctors and nurses could try to pinpoint exactly where it was coming from, or what might be causing it.  i was worried for those patients, but the nurse said they weren't necessarily in pain, not that having a seizure was pleasant, but she admired them for wanting to get better and for going through all of that to try to figure out.  every time that alarm went off, it was kind of scary though.
by the end of the day i started to feel better.  sheesh, friday really took it out of me, but heck i was like only 2 days after having brain surgery?  i certainly didn't feel like i had had brain surgery, that is for sure!!

for some reason, it wants to be on its side and i cant get it to sit up right.

million dollar friday!

leaking brain onto my pillow, and you can see the drainage tube running across my forehead

so i don't remember too much about friday.  i know they took out the catheter, they took the drainage tube out of my head.  the girl that did that had a funky accent so i asked where she was from - south africa!  but she did not know dan hugo.  i suggested that she look him up!

you can see the tube there at the bottom

once those tubes were all out, i felt way better.  my nurse was Miles and he was a nice guy.  although he scared the crap out of me one time when i was sleeping and he knelt down next to me to wake me up and when i opened my eyes he was not eric! i jumped and was like AAKK!!

the PT came for a visit.  i sat i a chair, i ate some apple sauce. i had to sit in the chair for 30 minutes and it was a really long time, i really wanted to lay back down. i think i went to the bathroom.  we laughed at the pvc pipe commode chair, eric taking mental notes on how me might be able to make one of those someday.

grown up potty chair

then i was moved into the normal neuroscience part of the hospital.  i can't remember getting into a different bed, or how that all happened, but it happened.

apparently this is how i got to the normal floor, totally forgot about this guy. 

i remember being pushed in the bed, or a bed at least and thinking, wow, this little tour of the hospital is not at all like the "i just had a baby" parade you get to go on with your baby burrito when you leave the birthing suite and go to your recovery room.
regardless, i think i was happy to get to my room.  i can't remember.  again, a private room and i could have overnight guests!
i had already told them i was done with the leg puffers, they said that was fine as long as i got up to walk around some and made sure to sit in a chair although it would be up to my nurses after a while since some of them are sticklers for the leg puffers.
i think i ordered some food - scrambled eggs, toast, fruit maybe.  oatmeal?  i felt really quite remarkable!
i got to look in the mirror and see that my hair was all still there and that i wasn't all deformed.  the surgeon said he spent over an hour or so making sure to put my forehead back on right!
so friday was spent chilling, resting, eating apple sauce, taking medication through IVs, peeing.  ya know.  that type of stuff.  eric and christie took turns sitting with me, i can't believe their patience and willingness to gel in and gel out so often!  i couldn't watch TV, just having it on was too much stimulation, so i did a lot of laying there, which was so nice.  
that night as we settled in to go to sleep, i just curled up but eventually i wound up in a bit of pain in the noggin.  more pain than i had been feeling.  plus i was feeling just overall a little bit like ass.  i can't remember if we had taken some laps around the unit earlier in the day, but with the sitting, the applesauce eating and everything, it looked like i had done too much and it was starting to show.
after being a sleep for a bit, i woke up so thirsty i couldn't control it.  i chugged 3 big cups of water one right after the other.  i kind of knew that was a bad idea but i was so thirsty i couldn't help it.
and then it came back up.
again.
and again.
i can't remember the nurse's name that night, but he was super nice and it seemed like he spent the whole night in our room with us.  every two hours or so.  i did not feel good at all.
my head didn't hurt really but wow, i felt like ass.
and then, like at 4 or 5 or 6am, one of those times, he gave me some sort of medication that was 100% crack or something because i instantly felt better and drifted off to sleep.  aaahh!!!!  amazing!